Walk On
by Up-Past-Midnight
Summary: "Pain is weakness leaving the body." -Anonymous. Before they were them, they were hurting. Before they had fame, they had pain. And before Big Time Rush was ever Big Time Rush, they were just four boys trying to walk on, enduring this road of life. Slash.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Leaving Everything Behind Us**  
**

* * *

_November 31, 1996_

* * *

"How could you?" Katherine Knight gasped, her tears falling down like diamonds on the tiling. "You're just going to leave him here? Like you _don't love him?"_ She was borderline shrieking now, having to be restrained by her mother from delivering a face-mashing blow. Jennifer Mitchell only gave Katherine a low glare that practically yelled _I'm sorry_ but Katherine couldn't pull herself to even have her mind remotely think about forgiving her. After what she had laid out for them.

"_I love that boy out there._ Don't you _ever _forget that. That boy is my son." Jennifer, crying through her words, pointed out the window, where outside, her little boy play. Although skittish, Logan was the type to make friends easy, and Kendall, his current playmate, was no different. Jennifer went on, "I love him. I do. I just. I can't keep him with me anymore. I can't."

"_No. _That boy's _not _yours anymore. _He's not." _Katherine dared cross the line. "He's _mine _now. So, you go. You just _leave_. But _don't you dare _even think about coming back. Not for a hello, not for a goodbye, not for any reason in the world."

Jennifer gave one look at Katherine, and took her weeps into her hands. She then spun on her heels, walked down the street, and boarded her taxi cab to who knows where. All Katherine could do was fall apart in her mother's arms. _Jennifer was the nicest person Katherine had ever come to know. She was kind, and loving. She taught Logan so many things, things about being nice to others, staying away from horrid people. She was medically trained and probably was wealthy enough to support Logan and whatever she needed to take care of in Iowa. The two used to be best friends. But no. Not anymore._

_She left._

She left behind Logan and everything about him, driving off as Logan and Kendall danced in the gray overcast and the snow falling before their eyes. All of Minnesota was coated heavily in ice and snow, the snowflakes like butterflies, bouncing against the wind. And Jennifer's taxi cab took off with only a trail that would disappear come morning.

Logan and Kendall grew weary, but Katherine never stopped crying. Never did she open her eyes, for hours and hours on end, but when Logan and Kendall sluggishly threw themselves inside, they figured that the day was finally coming to a happy close.

_But no._

"I think it's time for me to go home now." Logan tugged on Katherine's blouse hours later, the front lightly stained with black mascara. "Where's Mommy?"

Katherine stood and stared at Logan, her eyes ready to burst from their sockets, her heart sinking deeper than any ship the Krakken could take down. Instantly, she took Logan into her arms, kneeling, crying and whimpering in the four-year-old's arms. All Logan did was hug his newfound mother back, wondering what the commotion was all about. Katherine had to murmur, "Mommy's gone, baby. _I'm _Mommy now, okay? Mommy's gone. _Mommy's gone_. I'm sorry."

Logan broke away from the hug and gave Katherine a pair of eyes, riddled with despair and confusion. "Where's Mommy? Where is she? Why is she not here?" He kept shrieking, as he ran into the empty guest room, pulling out the boxes they took to this new home, crying tears and causing a riot, lashing about the suitcases, throwing around the wardrobe.

Katherine just about died when she entered the room, watching Logan, for the first time in his very young life, break his shell and go on a full-on attack. Katherine, with all the might she could muster, swept Logan into her arms, and hugged him tighter. "Mommy's gone. _But I'm Mommy now. Okay? _I'm Mommy now." Logan, weak and bruised, turned to Jell-O in Katherine's arms.

"Mama? Why is Logie screaming?" A new youthful voice popped in. When he saw his mother's tears he almost cried himself, too, then when he saw Logan's he couldn't help but whimper a bit. "Why are we crying?" He squeaked, his tears now flowing.

"Kendall, baby. Come here, okay? I need to talk to you both." He took both boys and sat them down next to each other, cross-legged. Logan sat, whimpering and shivering hands dug in between his legs, letting out occasional moans of despair, as Kendall sat, wiping his tears, confused and dazed. "You two... you two are each other's _very best friends now_. Do you understand me? Logan, Mommy is gone, okay, baby? It's hard, I know, but it's okay, you know why?"

Logan looked up longingly. "...why?"

"Because _I'm _going to take care of you now. _Me_." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "And Mr. Knight, of course... oh, and Kendall, too. You two are going to be best friends. Even if you fight. You're always going to be best friends."

Kendall glanced at Logan, let some more tears fall, and reached into his lap for his new friend's hand. Kendall squeezed it tight, as Logan glanced back at Kendall, and a small trace of blush forming on both of their cheeks.

Kendall silently mouthed to himself, smiling. "Best friends."

* * *

_December 11, 1996_

* * *

"Get out!" Emily Diamond cried, bruised from several blows to the face and arms. "Get out, get out, get out!" She now carried a metal baseball bat, swinging violently at her attacker, already bashing the man's arm to the point of a bloody mess, spread about the steps on the stairs.

"I'm _the best thing _that has ever happened to you! How're you supposed to pay for the house? _And that gay little brat?_" He pointed an accusative finger at a four-year-old James, who stood innocently behind the balcony, clutching the poles, allowing confused tears to shower out of his eyes. He panted heavily, waiting for his mommy to hug daddy and they would kiss (even though it was icky), then tuck him into bed, kissing his forehead like they used to.

But James, lately, had to do much of his own tucking in.

And tonight, he knew that he would never be tucked in again. Emily took a heavy blow to her husband's stomach, as he knelt at the porch, gasping for air. His diaphragm was now crushed, leaving Emily in a fit of rage as he kicked him down and shut the door with a slam. Instantly, she dropped the bat, spun around, and discovered James, wailing and asking, "_Why, mommy, why?_"

She instantly rushed up the steps to reach James at the balcony, taking him into a warm embrace. "Oh, Jamie, I'm _so, so _sorry you had to see that. _I'm so sorry, babe. _But we have to go, alright? We have to leave."

"Where, mommy? Where?" James whimpered. "Why do we have to go, mommy?"

"We have to leave because..." She paused, visualizing her pained husband. "Because daddy hurt mommy."

"It's okay, we don't have to go, I can just get you a Band-Aid in the bathroom." James said, wiping his tears and releasing the hug to look his weeping mother in the face.

She couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, and wipe away a few tears, only for more to come pouring down, hitting the shag carpet. "No, sweetheart, this is the kind of hurt that people need to go away for them to heal. You'll understand when you get older, okay, hun?"

James couldn't help give his mother another stubborn look. "I like it here. New York is fun. It's big. Miss Daley says its the biggest in the whole entire nations. I don't know what nations means, but I know it's big because we live here and I saw'd it."

Emily took her son into another hug, whimpering more. "I'm sorry, but we'll be visiting a new place, okay? It snows _a lot _there. _A lot more than New York_. And you'll have a friend there. A nice friend. He's going to be better than any other friend you have ever, ever met."

"Are you sure he won't pick on me?"

"No, he won't, babe. He won't."

"All the other boys pick on me at preschool. They think I'm a girl. They push me into the girls' bathroom. I don't like the girls' bathroom. It smells funny."

"He won't hurt you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, honey, yes." She couldn't help but chuckle a little bit more, and wipe a few more tears, watching her son's youthful face. His long, oak hair, pushed away from his face. His bright, brown eyes glowing with a new happiness. "Now go pick out the toys you want to bring with you. And make it snappy, okay, babe? We've gotta split."

"Yes, mommy." James gave his mom a quick kiss and ran off to his room nearby, leaving the door open as his mother always requested, even before this incident occurred. He began throwing all his toys into a pile in the middle of his room, leaving behind his Hot Wheels in the crevices of his closet and keeping his junior microphone set. He had big plans for a boy who hadn't even begun grade school.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Emily dialed in a number like lightning, calling her only possible place to stay. After three eternal rings, an answer.

"Hello?" The voice asked.

"Hey, Kathy." For the first time again, Emily began bawling, now in the attention of her friend. "I know that Logan just moved in, and with Jennifer and everything, but. But, I just."

"What is it, Em? I'll do anything for you, girl, you know that." Katherine responded.

"_You were right_." Emily admitted.

"_Oh, no_. Tell me he didn't cheat on you. Tell me I was wrong. _Tell me you're joking_."

"_You were right, Kath. You were right._" Emily took her face into her hands, now broken down to a fetal position on the floor of the kitchen. "_He pretended like he loved us, he pretended like he cared._"

"Take the Lexus. It's under your name. I'll clear a room, okay?"

"_Thank you._" Emily murmured in a whimper.

"I love you, Emily. Stay strong, okay? For James."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye, babe."

Dial tone. Emily didn't even bother getting up from the kitchen floor, her tears surfacing against her cheeks. She closed her eyes, her bawls never stopping. James slowly walked into the kitchen, his heart turning to lead seeing his mother weeping on the floor. He checked her stomach- still pulsating. She was still alive, no matter how much she didn't want to be. James approached, laid himself down across from his mother, and the two slowly drifted off to sleep, still unpacked.

But the next morning, the minute they would wake, they would leave behind that godforsaken city where it all came crashing down.

* * *

_December 14, 1996_

* * *

He was in pain again.

Well, at least his ass was. He knew _that _much. But at that age, he didn't know what was going on. He just knew that it hurt. His ass hurt. _A lot. _He didn't know what his uncle had to gain from making him do the things he did in that bedroom, but he expected this "punishment" as he accidentally slammed his tricycle to the side of his car, denting it even in the slightest of ways. In the morning, he would make him buff it.

But he lay there, naked and in pain, whimpering to himself, wishing it would stop. He didn't know what form of punishment this was called, but it hurt. A lot. His uncle had finally gotten tired and stopped, laying lazily next to him, and he felt around his own butt and checked his fingers under the blue light of the moon. No blood. Not tonight, at least. He was somewhat relieved at the fact that it wasn't bleeding, but it may as well _have _been.

To be redundant, it hurt.

_A lot._

It got harder and harder for him to move after his uncle took him into his room almost nightly and forced young little Carlos Rodriguez to do things, inhumane to the typical man, but Carlos didn't really know any better. All he knew was that it hurt. _A lot._

And all his uncle had in mind was taking advantage of the four-year-old.

Tonight was different, though. He did the same things, sure. He was numb from the legs down, fine. All that was what he could deal with. But tonight, he _resisted_. Tonight, there was that much more pain. His uncle's grip was tougher, his scratches were deeper, and he sure as hell wasn't bleeding out of his ass, but his _sides _were gnashed and his body ached so much. He would usually be immune after an hour, but this was different. This time, his mother found out.

And if his mother ever found out, his uncle would kill her.

And Felicia Rodriguez was the only person on this Earth that Carlos believed loved him.

"_What have you done to my child?_" She shrieked, as she saw her beloved little boy, undressed, panting, shivering, and weak. His sides were cut, but the blood had stopped pouring, and she could tell that Carlos only had enough strength to keep his eyelids open.

"Felicia, it's..." He was at a loss of words. "...it's not what it looks like."

Felicia ran across the room and trampled her brother-in-law, wrestling him to the ground, grabbing his neck like an alligator's mouth. Although futile, her attempt to take him down was effective, as she managed to get in two punches in the face before she was thrown off. Instantly, she reached for the thick lamp just within her arm's reach, and smashed it clean on her brother-in-law's head, causing only a cut onto his head and a clean knock-out. She knew he was still alive though, and she quickly left his unconscious body to tend to Carlos.

"Carlos, mijo, are you okay? What did he do to you?"

All Carlos could muster was a slight groan. Tears had begun to crash down from her eyes, as she grabbed her weak son and held him tight."...m-mami?" He groaned.

"What, mijo, what is it? Are you okay?"

"I want to go away." He said, all his strength used in those few words.

"Of course, baby, of course. We'll leave and we'll never, ever come back again." Felicia promised her son.

Felicia called 911 the minute Carlos opened his eyes fully, and lay still on his uncle's bed, praying to God that the man wouldn't wake up. He had heard the crash of the lamp against his uncle's head, and he was surprised that he wasn't dead. But his mother said he wasn't, and who was he to not trust his mother in a situation like this?

The police and the paramedics came in an instant, promising Felicia that since her brother-in-law wasn't dead, and he was regularly molesting Carlos, she wouldn't be charged whatsoever. Carlos, upon hearing this, found it hard to understand. But the police officer looked up at the now wide awake young Carlos in the gurney, and said, "Your mom's not going to jail. And you're never going to see your tio again."

Carlos tried to smile, but couldn't find the life inside him to, so instead, he uttered, "Gracias." And waved at the police officer, then at his mom, then laid his head down against the gurney to relax. The paramedics, though, stripped him again of his baby blue medical scrubs, and he fidgeted a bit when they swabbed him in the inappropriate places where his uncle would touch.

They promised him that they wouldn't hurt him. Luckily, they didn't, and Carlos tried to gulp down an ounce of his fear.

Fear didn't taste good, nor did it swallow well. They then asked him all sorts of questions that he tried his best to answer, with all exhaustion flowing in his being.

"How long has he been doing this?" His paramedic started off with a serious attitude, his eyebrows thick and sandy to match his slicked back hair. He had various wrinkles on his face, but his laugh lines were the most prominent. Carlos liked that about some old people. But it took a while for Carlos to draw up enough breath to utter out an answer to his question.

"I remember the first time was a long times ago. When it was hot outside."

"That's a long time."

"Not really. It went by fast."

"Do you feel sick at all, after he would do these things to you?"

"It always hurt right after, like, right after. But after that, I feelded the same." He recalled the cold inability to move his legs, his bare body, and his sore muscles. He remembered the horrible feeling he would get when something would enter him, the pain and the toil that no four-year-old boy should ever have to endure, not at an age like his.

"Did he ever put something over his... um, peepee...before he did these things to you?" Carlos didn't even snicker what his paramedic said peepee. He knew for a fact that it was _not _the time, and all strength that he had left, he needed for answering the questions issued.

"Yeah. I don't know why, though."

"Okay, well that's good."

"How?" Carlos looked at his paramedic with genuine concern.

"That means everything, from now on, is going to be okay." He took Carlos's hand and ran circles around his tiny hand with his thumb.

"No." Carlos said bluntly.

"No? Why not, bud?" His paramedic half-smiled, as Carlos then broke their bond of eye contact, and looked wistfully off into the distance.

"Because my mom used to say that to me _every night _before bed time. And I don't think I'm okay now." He laughed when he finished his sentence, although his tiny grip on his paramedic's hand tightened.

"Hey, keep your head up." His paramedic thought of a more positive question. "Where did your mom say she was taking you?"

"Um, mini soda." Carlos smiled a proud smile. He was happy he could remember the place he was going to move directly after his checkup that night. Where he was to stay, he really had no idea, but he was glad that he was starting over. _Without _his angry uncle.

"Mini soda?" His paramedic chuckled. Carlos nodded diligently. "I think you mean Minnesota."

"Yeah, yeah, that's the _real-life_ name. I don't know nobody there. But... mami says she's got a friend there."

Meanwhile, his mother rode in the police car, out of the situation that there was no room inside the paramedic car. She sat at the shotgun seat, her heart worrying for her young son, but her mind focused on the police officer. "Thank you again, for being so noble, officer." Stress lined her tone.

"Please, Miss. It was all in a day's work." He smiled. He had chocolate brown skin, definitely a tan from Mexico, and long midnight black hair. He had a shining white motorcycle helmet on, although he was driving around in a state unit vehicle. He seemed quirky and noble, a lot like her son, a risk-taker, and a fun-lover, the men Felicia was greatly attracted to. A person who was a variety all in all.

"I never got a name, though."

"Officer Julian Garcia, ma'am. Pleased to meet you." He introduced, his voice prominent, yet easy to listen to.

"Julian Garcia." Felicia repeated quietly, suddenly captured by Officer Julian's name.

"Yes. Tell me yours, now." Julian replied cleverly.

"Felicia Rodriguez." She smiled for the first time that night.

"What a beautiful name." His eyes began to glimmer. "Where have you decided on staying? You know, to _run away_ for a while?"

"Well, I've had my eyes on a real estate location in Minnesota."

"Minnesota? That's..." He sputtered his lips playfully. "Pretty far from here."

"_Two states away_."

"Next time I'm up there, I'll look you up, miss."

"I'll probably have a house by then, but in case I don't, look up Katherine Knight. She'll be my host for the time being."

"You two have been friends long, I presume."

"Yeah, since we were little girls. It was me, our friends Emily, Jennifer, and her, Kathy. We were _the best _of friends."

"Why is it a _were? _Why not _are?_"

"Oh, well we all met wonderful men and got married."

"So... you're married."

"Widowed." Her voice grew somewhat quiet. "Rosario was murdered. Although, I regret nothing from his death, nor did I mourn. He was _not _an honorable man. Smoking in front of our boy, showing him horrible things like naked women and shooting people. Little boys should be watching football with their fathers, and fishing. Not everything Rosario was giving him. I don't even like bearing his name anymore."

"I'm very sorry Carlos had to endure that."

"It wasn't your fault. The only thing I cried about when he died was all the years I wasted trying to make myself believed I loved him. Time well wasted, I might add."

"Ah, that's in the past. What matters is now." Julian gave Felicia a hopeful smile, causing Felicia to go red in the cheeks and return the smile. He continued, "And Jennifer? Emily?"

"Jennifer got married to a very good man. They raised their young son very, very well."

"But..."

"But _Michael_, Jennifer's husband, disappeared. She couldn't raise Logan and left her with Kathy, just recently, actually. I, for one, find that extremely irresponsible. But then again, Jennifer wasn't always the most responsible person."

"And Emily, what of her? She sounds sweet."

"She is, _by God_, she is. But recently, her husband was just caught cheating on her. She's over at Kathy's now, too."

"Dear _Lord_, you girls are going through one hell of a rough patch. All at the same time, too? With the holidays coming up? You've got your hands full. Next time you need a helping hand, you just call. Even if I'm far here and you far there. Just call."

"I just might take you up on that offer." Felicia could see a new life in this man.

She looked into the reflection cast on his black sunglasses hanging from his collar, and she saw herself, youthful and happy. Beside her was Carlos, also just as youthful, and also just as happy. She felt something for this man, and for once, even after through her tough mortgage payments, and her sexually abusive brother-in-law, she made herself smile just knowing that Officer Garcia was with her in that police car, escorting her to the hospital where her son will be healed. In him, she saw _hope_.

_Felicia Garcia. Felicia Garcia and Julian Garcia. Julian Garcia and Felicia Garcia. _

_Carlos Garcia._

She liked the sound of that._  
_

* * *

**Warning: **This fanfiction contains child abuse, spousal abuse, incest rape, blood, violence, and use of the word "ass." Please leave if this does not suit your fancy.

**A/N: **I know, I know, I should be focusing on "When We Met" but my mother told me the most saddening story to ever be told about my family, so yes, these thoughts I'm going to write down here are based of true family events. I'm sort of the little Katie in this story, as I came in during the middle of all this ruckus. But still, this piece is especially important to me, so it would do me a great honor if you reviewed kindly. Thanks.

Right now, there's no established slash pairings, but there will be some, I promise. There will be lovey-dovey goodness in the midst of all this drama. And yes, I named Mrs. Knight _Katherine_ as my mother's name is _Emelia_ which greatly coincides with _Emma, _and _Katherine _goes with _Katie._ I always thought it was the coolest thing in the world to be like mommy.

Yes, James has an upstairs kitchen. I used to have one, too. _Deal with it_.

I still do. Which is why this piece is dedicated to her, as she is the Mrs. Knight in my story. Mrs. Knight, you'll be able to see, will go through so much pain and heartbreak, just as my mom has. I love you, mother, you sweet woman.

Read and review. Much appreciated.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own whatever you recognize. The story though, is mine. Okay? And it's extremely important to me. So, yeah.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Good Riddance, You're Back**  
**

* * *

_December 24, 1996_

_

* * *

_

Kendall had never endured a more frustrating duo of boys in his life.

First, _they had to ruin Christmas_.

All they could afford to do that Christmas was go to church, eat dinner, and watch the Smurfs Christmas special. He recalled back to the time they arrived. He remembered Logan, his best friend. He couldn't pull himself to be angry at _him_. _But the other two?_ Kendall _couldn't stand_. But he remembered when Logan had arrived anyway, so it would be at least generally fair to his thoughts, as fair as he wanted to be to the two bothers in his big plans for Christmas Eve.

_Logan had appeared with his mother in a bright, yellow taxi. Both of their mothers took down boxes and suitcases, and then hid inside from the chill of the snow, but Logan and Kendall were too busy becoming best friends with one another. Kendall first was sitting alone, the neighborhood kids he usually played with gone to school. They were a year older than he. Kendall wasn't scheduled to start school until next year, and there were long weekdays where he would toss snowballs to nowhere._

_But Logan came slowly towards Kendall, his hands behind his back, and his face paled enough to see the pink blush forming on his cheeks, a reaction to the sudden cold weather. He looked warm and bundled, wrapped tight in a fern green coat, a red hoodie, and a matching striped scarf. He looked down at Kendall, kicking at the snow, sitting lonely on the curb._

_"Hello." He said shyly. Normally, Logan had trouble opening up to other children his age, like Kendall. But the little blond was different. He seemed approachable and Logan felt a sense of openness and honesty in the air around him. _

_Kendall looked up, his face strained with disappointment. "Who are you?"_

_"My name's Logan. My mommy is friends with your mommy." Logan smiled, attempting to break Kendall's tough composure._

_"Hi. I'm Kendall." He said, kicking at the snow again. He broke his stare with Logan and looked up at the sky, letting a few flakes land on his face. They felt cold, but Kendall always looked up and checked how the sky was. He didn't know why, but it relaxed him._

_"Do you wana play?" Logan sat down next to him, also beginning to look up to investigate what was worth that much of Kendall's attention. He didn't keep his face up for too long, the bite of the cold becoming a bother. Breaking his composure was easy.  
_

_Kendall looked at Logan suddenly. "Okay." _

And the rest was history. Kendall looked at Logan, who was snuggled up in a warm Frosty the Snowman blanket across from him on the long sofa. He was fighting to keep his eyes open, but managed to whisper over to his best friend, "the girlie Smurf with yellow hair is pretty, huh?" He snickered at Kendall's reaction.

"Ew, girls are yucky." Kendall grimaced at his friend, but went over to lie on his shoulder, no matter how vulgar the comment was. As Logan rustled to get into comfortable with his friend next to him, Kendall got a glance of the long-haired boy who sat on the love-seat adjacent to the sofa, arms wrapped around his knees, and his shivers growing louder and louder. He apparently was used to an even more intense heater system on.

He remembered the day James appeared.

_James's, mother, named Emily, had been crying when she met with Katherine. Kendall knew better than to ask why, and clutched Logan's wrist, proceeding to pull them into their room. Logan was much too afraid to sleep in his original guest room by himself, mostly because there were both monsters under the bed and memories floating in the air. Memories Kendall knew Logan didn't want to talk about._

_The two sat in the corner of their room, listening to Katherine comfort a weeping Emily, and watching the doorknob, anticipating for it to turn, James emerging from behind the door. Kendall didn't know why, but James had an incredible something about him that Kendall both hated and admired. The fact that he admired it made him hate the long-haired boy even more._

_Or girl. He didn't know. He went by James and Jamie, so he didn't know his real-life name just yet._

_Logan was sitting, reading his body parts book, captivated by how the body worked well together. Kendall sat next to him, looking at a set of twelve new hockey cards that his mother bought him just that morning, maybe to distract him from the upcoming events. _

_But the doorknob did end up turning, and James strode in, his long hair over his eyes to possibly shield the tear tracks running across his cheeks. "I'm James. You'rappos'd to be my new best friend."_

_Kendall gave no response, glanced at Logan, who stared intently at Kendall then James, back and forth. James walked out slowly, shaking his head to himself, and walked into the same guest room Logan originally had his bags in. James would move in soon, so Kendall got up and began clearing a place for James' toys on the shelf, a struggled look on his face._

_Then Logan got up and took Kendall's hand, then led him to the kitchen, released and got him a juice pouch from the bottom shelf from the fridge, and sat down in front of the closed refrigerator, Kendall sitting across from him. Logan said nothing, and gulped his juice box down, quickly spelling out _Best Friends _with the series of magnets._

_Kendall smiled and took Logan's hand once more, nodding. James was never going to be Kendall's best friend._

_He got himself one already._

James's lonely, dull look was burned onto his face from the moment he got at his house. He kept it on as if he was going to leave one day and never have that same face. And whenever James promised he was leaving, Logan looked down as if he didn't care, and Kendall's heart chipped a bit, but he was a little too young to comprehend why his insides felt a bit crushed every time James threatened to leave the family.

He glanced at Carlos.

Carlos's tan skin and jet black hair that he usually spiked was down, and it wasn't as if Kendall could tell exact skin colors with only the light of the Smurfs special to remember exactly what it looked like by a glance. But he then remembered the day Carlos came in.

_He was laughing._

_Laughing away as if the world was his. Laughing away as if the life within him was bigger than he had ever felt. But he was only laughing to his mother. He never laughed anywhere else. Never when Kendall told Logan a joke out loud, never when a TV show got a laugh. Never, unless his mother spoke._

_James labeled him mama's boy one afternoon._

_This comment broke all costs, leaving Carlos and James bruising each other with punches to the face and weeping, lashing about their Legos and toys. Logan, in the midst of all the turmoil, began to wail, leaving Kendall in a panic state. He instantly reached for his hefty water gun, luckily still loaded, and began firing water at both boys who wrestled one another at Kendall's feet._

_"Stopitstopitstopit!" Kendall shouted with anger, choking back his urge to cry with Logan. "Stop. It!"_

_When the two stopped and looked up at Kendall, now standing up prominently, he knelt down to Logan, grabbed his hand, and guided him out of the room, leaving a feisty Carlos and a dramatic James to look at each other and cry to their mothers, leaving Kendall hugging a disturbed Logan on the empty guest room bed._

_From then on, Kendall disliked them._

And now, the two ruined Christmas. Kendall had happily sacrificed his gifts to tend to Logan's staying at the house, as did his mother, but Kendall now had to sacrifice his new best friend's happiness and comfort for those two. Now with three mothers in the house parenting four young boys, he didn't know if he wanted to take it anymore.

But he swallowed it, as best as a four-year-old could.

The day came when the two left. The relationships never got any better, and James and Carlos had to visit their new hometowns and start their very first day of schools there.

_Good riddance, _Kendall thought to himself.

Each had slowly aged to the point of where they were five. Carlos packed his few bags, gave Katherine a large embrace and a big thank you, then waved a goodbye to the other three boys as they departed for their flight to the tropics in Miami, Florida, where his mother landed a job opportunity.

"Carlos Rodriguez, you hug your hermanos _now_. They put up with you _all year_." Felicia smacked him on the back of the head, causing chuckles from her two friends.

He gave each boy a reluctant hug, murmuring, "They are _not _my brothers." And took his rolling bag, walking off with his mother, who kept turning back to wave to her two friends. It seemed as if each of the boys grew farther apart, the mothers grew closer. The only one Kendall needed was Logan. And luckily, his mother wasn't there to make him go away, too.

A few hours later, James had to leave from the same airport.

James did the same as Carlos, giving a reluctant hug, and leaving without any other word. Kendall knew he should have been more joyful that the arrogant bothers had left his presence, but something felt empty about him when he watched James board the plane. His eyes almost trembled, and his expression grew somewhat sad.

Logan took his hand, gripping it tight, and looked out at the same airport. Holding hands became a regular thing, even though Kendall grew to know that boys didn't hold hands. He knew he had to for Logan.

_Good riddance_. Kendall repeated. _Never come back._

* * *

_September 18, 2000_

_

* * *

_

Kendall was eight.

He sat uncomfortably in the waiting room of the hospital, next to Logan. Kendall squeezed his Logan's hand to the point where Logan was grunting in pain, but when Kendall insisted he let go, Logan shushed him and all Kendall did was squeeze even tighter. He hated hearing his mother's screams. He hated the fact that he had to be the one to call 911, he hated the fact that it had to be Logan reading off of the maternity book in the back of the ambulance, and he hated that his own father wasn't there to witness his own daughter's birth.

More importantly, Kendall hated the fact that his father wasn't there to give him the pep talk that he always saw in movies. The one that went, _"Hey_, _scamp, you've got a baby sister now. You have to be there for her whenever she needs it."_

Or something like that.

In a short summary, Kendall hated his father. He recalled the night he left.

_"Kenneth, don't you dare walk out on us!" Katherine sobbed, watching her husband violently pack up his bags. Kendall swore he saw his father cry. He didn't understand, though. Daddy didn't cry. Ever._

_But there he was, sobbing away, packing up, and not speaking to his mother at all. Kendall never knew why he left, but he did, wearing a thick layer of clothes, packing up every belonging, ripping off every picture containing him. He left as if he never married his mother, he left as if he never held him in his arms, he left as if Katie wasn't in his mother's stomach._

_He just left. And Kendall could do nothing about it._

Logan scooted closer to Kendall. At eight years old, Kendall didn't want another boy so close to him, the way it looked wasn't what everybody particularly wanted to see_, _but Logan scooted closer and embraced him. His mother screamed again, followed by cheers by the doctor, a pep talk to tell Katherine to keep pushing, and that Katie was almost there.

"She sounds like she's hurting." Kendall murmured into Logan's shoulder.

"Of course she's hurting, Kenny. She's giving birth." Logan chuckled, patting Kendall's back.

"What if something _bad _happens?"

"_Nothing _bad is going to happen. The doctors said it was a near-perfect pregnancy. Your mom doesn't drink or smoke, and she's got enough energy to maintain Katie, and she's got more than enough to push her on out. Okay?"

"But. What if." Kendall stammered, trying hard to argue Logan's sensibility, which was a formidable opponent.

"But _nothing_, alright? Katie's going to come out, love us, grow up, and we'll all be okay."

"_Dad's not even here_." Kendall murmured even quieter. Somehow, Logan picked up on his words.

He delicately responded, "Kenny, I'm not going to sugarcoat this anymore. Dad's _not _coming back. But that's okay, you know why?"

Kendall looked up. "_Why?_"

"Because we don't need him. _Not one bit_. You and me and mom can take care of Katie and everything will be alright. Is that understood?"

When Katie was introduced, Katherine finally ceased her screaming, and Kendall and Logan were rushed inside the waiting room. Katherine looked weak and beat, as if she had just ran the circumference of the planet. Her hair was scattered, her eyes trembling, but a faint smile was smothered across her face, a smile so small, yet so powerful, that not even the aftermath of physical birth could wipe it away. Katie was crying hysterically in the corner, her tiny self just wrapped into a blanket. She slowly calmed down to a snore when she was placed in Katherine's arms.

Kendall didn't want to hold her, afraid she would drop her, but he couldn't stop the tears from flowing and the biggest smile from emerging. Logan offered to hold her for a while, being extra-careful, and cooing at her quietly. The last time Logan had those gleaming eyes for somebody was the first day he met Kendall when the two were four years old.

And it didn't even matter that their dad was gone anymore. He was so captivated by his baby sister, and he loved her with all his heart the minute he saw her.

_

* * *

_

_June 14, 2002  
_

_

* * *

_

"School is _out,_ baby!" Kendall hooted. _"Fuck yeah!"_

"Okay, Kendork, just because everybody else is using _that word_ doesn't mean _you _should, too." Logan walked alongside the blond, who bounced up and down, throwing around assignments, scattering school supplies across the hallways. He didn't really give any regret when he thought about who would clean up the mess he, and most of the school made.

But that's what custodians were getting paid for, right?

"I'm _ten years old_, Logie." Kendall commented quickly. "I can say_ whatever I want_."

"You know if mom found out you said... _that word_... she'd have your ass."

"Aha! You said _ass!_" Kendall laughed out loud, sticking a quick tongue out at the paler boy. Logan looked somewhat panicked, as if he wished that he didn't say what he had just said, no matter how witty it sounded at the time. But Kendall instantly wrapped his arm around Logan's shoulder, the two continuing their descent home. The summer was upon them, the Minnesota sky almost near clear, and the last day of the fifth grade had just been endured. "Anyway, anyway. Today was the last day of elementary school."

"So? What's so special about _middle school?_ It's the same fifth graders who picked on us when we were younger come back from the grave to pick on us _again_." Logan scoffed at the sound of beginning the sixth grade.

"Stick with me. We got the hockey team locked up." Kendall gave Logan a hopeful smile. "We've got _this whole year_ locked up."

"I guess."

The two made it home safely, and quite happily, as Kendall spent a dollar at the ice cream truck on what he called, 'the feast of a thousand kings', a stupid name for a ceremonial vanilla drumstick for Logan and watermelon Popsicle for himself. Their hands were sticky by the time they got home, but they washed up quickly and began watching television, sitting on the couch, observing a cartoon show Katie loved, as always, after their trek home.

His mother walked in through the front door at her typically scheduled time. But this time, she held grocery bags and the phone pressed between her shoulder and her ear. "_Really? _No. No, no, he didn't. Not again, Em."

"Let's go help." Logan bounded off the sofa and around to the front door where he took the brown paper bags from Katherine, fattened high with milk and vegetables. Kendall followed Logan's lead, ever so quietly listening in on his mother's conversation as Logan left the front door's welcoming to the kitchen, where he began unpacking. Katie stayed in the living room, focused on her television program and the Monopoly money scattered around her.

"Oh, well I'm glad you're taking this well. Yeah. Yeah, you should be immune to it by now." A pause. "So what's the good news?" A longer pause. Then Katherine's mouth dropped to a happy grin.

"No _way! No way, no way! _Emily, that's _amazing!_ When do you leave?" Another pause. Kendall remembered the name Emily, though it was vague in his mind who exactly who it was. "Oh, so you'll be here soon! Well, you text me when you land and your address. We can have dinner. Bye, sweetheart. It's better this way, it is." She hung up her cell phone, flipping it closed.

Kendall followed her out back to the driveway where the trunk remain open and the last of the groceries await. "Who was that?"

"Emily, babe." She said nonchalantly, as if he hadn't figured that part out already.

"..._Emily?" _He asked. "Who is she again?"

"You'll remember when you see her, trust me."

"O-kay." He shrugged and took the last of the groceries to the kitchen and began unpacking alongside Logan who was already fully unpacked, cans and grocery items laid out on the counter before them. Logan scrambled up and down the kitchen to put them away like lightning.

"Logan, sweetie, I'll take care of the rest, okay? You guys go start your homework. I'll call you down when supper's up."

"Alright." They darted upstairs and followed orders.

Katherine was smiling giddily and humming a tune to herself, putting away groceries. Tomorrow, she'd unite with a friend she hadn't seen in about six years.

Tomorrow, she'd unite with Emily Diamond.

* * *

_June 14, 2002_

* * *

"James, you're home!" Emily greeted excitedly as her son emerged from their front door. "Good, good, come now. Sit down. We have to talk about something, 'kay, babe?"

He dropped his backpack on the couch on his way inside and violently shook his leather dress shoes off. His mother didn't bother to be nit-picky like she typically was and order him to put her shoes in the closet where they were supposed to go before the wooden floor was marked permanently. But Emily didn't see how it mattered now.

"Okay." He said blandly, following his mother to the kitchen, taking a seat on the stool, resting his head on the island marble counter. He watched the window in front of him, the golden sun glimmering against the fountain water just outside.

"I'm going to make a phone call." She said, putting the call on speaker. "I want you to listen."

"Sure." James replied, his tone the same.

The phone rang three times, and typically, Katherine answered. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kath." She said, her smile beaming through her words.

"Em, how are you?" Katherine practically exclaimed.

"Good, good."

"And how's Jamie?" Katherine asked as Emily mouthed to her son, _how are you_, knowing he overheard the conversation. James gave a simple thumbs up in response.

"He says he's good." Emily remarked. "Hey, I've got some good news and bad news."

Katherine sighed, "Bad news _first_."

"Well, Donnie was cheating. _He sucked_." Emily said, hoping James didn't catch the comment. James, though, rolled his eyes and recalled why his day-to-day basis had to be about him carrying the same, forlorn expression, making hardly any friends, as many people threw themselves at him each day. He attended class at a Seattle private school, his blazer uniform crinkled as he lay himself on the counter. His mom was always out, dating around, getting a new boyfriend, and dumping them accordingly.

It began to be a chore. And in every guy his mom took home, he saw his father.

And he _hated _his father.

"_Really? _No. No, no, he didn't. Not again, Em."

"Yep. That he did, girlfriend. That he did." She sounded a lot happier than a woman who was cheated on should have been. This sickened James slightly.

"Oh, well I'm glad you're taking this well."

"It's happened to me a billion times before, Kath. Couldn't hurt another time, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you should be immune to it by now."

"And what's _that _supposed to mean?"

"So what's the good news?" Katherine groaned playfully.

"I've decided that after Donnie, I'd take Jamie here, and we'd move." James looked up with only a bit of concern. He really didn't care too much about the places he'd go after his mother numbed him of emotion by bringing home men that looked a bit too much like his douche of a father. "I'd take Jamie there. To small-town Minnesota. I bought a house near you."

"No _way! No way, no way! _Emily, that's _amazing!_ When do you leave?"

"Too-morrow!" She chirped happily.

"Oh, so you'll be here soon!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, you text me when you land and your new address. We can have dinner."

"I will. Well, I've got to go. Jamie's getting impatient."

"Bye, sweetheart. It's better this way, it is."

"I know. Bye." Dial tone. Emily looked at her son hopefully. "So. Up for it?"

James got up out of his seat, revealing his light blue blazer and khaki pants, white button-down and red-and-white striped tie snaked around his neck. His oak brown hair got lighter over the years, his body more developed and toned, his height increasing drastically, but she still saw the confused little singer that wailed into his junior microphone. Looking at his emotionless face though, she was torn a little. But James glued her heart back together again by walking out of the room, saying, "I'll go get the luggage."

He may not have smiled on a daily basis, but Emily did enough for the both of them.

And she could tell that life was going to get even better after they moved.

* * *

_June 15, 2002_

* * *

"I still have no idea who in the world we could be waiting for." Kendall tapped his foot impatiently against the glimmering marble tile in the Arrivals sector of the massive airport.

"Neither do I." Logan chuckled. "But be patient, Kenny. We'll remember who Emily is when we see her."

"Listen to the boy, Kendall. He speaks wisdom." Katherine laughed, pinching Logan's cheek, simultaneously getting a smirk and an eye roll from her son. She looked at his misused posture, as he leaned back on his chair, his arms folded. He donned a plain white tee shirt ripped at the sleeves, a pair of pizza-stained gray Minnesota Wild sweatpants, and his scraggly pair of Vans, used mostly for P.E. She then grimaced at his choice of wardrobe and saw that his blond hair looked horrible, too. "Could you please just... clean yourself up, next time, Kendall? You look _gross_."

"Why should I? First off, it's seven in the morning in the summer time, second off, I have no idea who we're meeting, so it's not in my justice to care." Kendall replied, his smart-ass voice pouring out instantly. Katie looked up from her coloring book and giggled, her light, happy voice charming the surrounding people in the airport.

"Kendall Knight, do _not _talk back to me that way, especially not in public, or you'll be on the next flight to Slapsville." That could very well be the cheesiest threat Kendall had ever heard, but the instillation of fear still sufficed.

Kendall sat up straight out of fear and observed Logan, a brown button-down shirt and a pair of blue jeans, his nicest shoes on, laced and tight against his feet. His hair was neatly gelled up into his faux-hawk, and he sat properly, Kendall beginning to mimic to get back on his mother's good side. The stink eye planted on his mother's face died, and he relaxed again, and anticipated their new friends flying in from who knows where.

He even glanced at Katie, who also dressed nicely, a tiny, blue and green striped sundress and a perfect Barbie clutched tightly in her hand. She kept on insisting that her mother show her line graphs on her phone, to no avail, though. Katie loved line graphs, for some reason, but she sat politely, never being the type of two year old to complain repetitively and often, so Kendall was Katherine's only parenting challenge.

After another hour, an announcement was made that the flight from Seattle had arrived.

Katherine hopped up and almost flew through the high roof in excitement, as Logan followed, snickering at their mother's giddiness, then scooping up Katie to carry her in his arms. Kendall reluctantly followed, standing and moving to watch the passengers leave the plain. It was a lengthy wait before Emily burst through the tunnel and meet at a hug with Katherine and a few excited words. Behind her was a boy, somewhat taller than Kendall, and a good four inches taller than Logan, donning long, oaken hair, a splattered paint tee shirt, and a pair of gray jeans. Covering his eyes were thick black aviator sunglasses, hiding his visage.

Kendall eyed him curiously. The long-haired boy hugged Katherine and smiled a small smile, then walked off to get his and his mother's luggage at the carousel nearby. Katherine motioned for her sons to move, "Well? _Go help him!"_

"Oh, yeah." Logan quickly moved towards the boy, as quickly as he could with a two-year-old in his arms, walking up to him while looked before the luggage carousel carefully. Kendall slowly followed.

He was quiet when they approached, but ordered Logan, "We could use a cart. Could you go get one, please?"

"Sure." Logan, being shy, smiled sweetly and answered quietly. He walked off with Katie to find a luggage cart station, leaving Kendall and the long-haired boy in an awkward air.

"You're familiar." Kendall announced to the boy bluntly. "Have we met? I'm Kendall." He extended his hand out in friendship.

The boy took his hand and shook it, not breaking his focus from the carousel. "I'm James."

"I swear, we've met before."

James looked at Kendall once through his glasses before chuckling. Kendall was sort of peeved at the fact that he was being laughed at, but James instantly said, "You don't remember me?"

"No..." Kendall sounded. "I really don't."

James took off his glasses, revealing a pair of eyes that only _he _could have. Kendall recognized him in an instant. "I'm James. _I used to ruin your life._"

* * *

_July 4, 2002_

* * *

From then on, Katherine and Emily spent most weekends together, and annually, their families would converge. Katie would cling close to her mother, and sometimes James, who Katie loved to brush the hair of. She kept repeating, "You look like Barbie boy," referring to Ken, Barbie's boyfriend. She loved telling that to James, who would always take her into a hug.

But it was on Independence Day when Carlos landed in Minnesota. Carlos's mother, Felicia, heard that the girls were back together again, and she couldn't resist on finding a house in the neighborhood, and moving nearby, to stay close with the girls she grew up with.

Luckily, though, James insisted he enrolled in a prep school several miles away, and Kendall would remember getting up in the morning to go to school, and finding James already boarding his bus to go to the fancy-pants academy. Logan eyed James jealously when James would come home from school, hours after Logan and Kendall got home, as if he wanted to attend school there, as well.

But living in a house with two other siblings made it hard for Katherine to pay for private school.

Carlos, on the other hand, got sent to an opportunity school for the slower children, and Logan and Kendall convinced themselves that Carlos was retarded, and him wearing a helmet only provided more evidence to support their guess.

Seasons passed, and their relationships never got much better. James kept the same, solitary face, as if time was passing him by quicker and quicker, and Carlos constantly got hurt, insisting that he jump, run, play, and adventure into everywhere, off of everything, and with anybody he could. Anybody, that is, excluding Kendall and Logan. Katie grew up a bit too fast, being extremely intelligent for a girl who hadn't even started school, but she was lovable all the same, getting so much attention, growing up with a long-haired diva boy next door, a daredevil across the street, and two rough-housing brothers.

Maybe life wasn't going to get all that different after all.

* * *

**A/N: **Meanie Kendall in the beginnings. Much apologies for him. And this is sort of a transitory chapter, so I'm sorry if it seems a bit muddled and slow. I updated this fast, I know, but this story took over much of my subconscious at school earlier today. I needed to get it out. Like, soon. Oh, and about the slash pairings: I really kind of get a general idea of where the storyline is going to go, couple-wise, but I'm open to suggestions. Leave your pairing in the reviews and I'll pick out the most common one, and go with the general public's decision.

But even if you get a pairing you're not particularly fond of, I do suggest you keep reading and not give up on it just because it's two of the boys you don't like together. I, for one, can enjoy every combination of the boys, because romance is romance. And smut and lemon is smut and lemon. All will be well in the end, okay?

You'll notice that I put the "Epilogue" first. Typically, the epilogue should be last. Just pretend it's says "Prologue" instead of "Epilogue" and we'll be okay.

Oh, and by the way, I might change this to Rated M if things get too intense. I'm already risking it by rating it T.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything you recognize. Not the boys, nor the Smurfs, not the Legos, nor Barbie. I don't own them, just the storyline. We good? We good.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The Things Love Does**  
**

* * *

_August 3, 2004_

* * *

Logan found out he was in love with Kendall when he was twelve.

P.E. was _not _was Logan's moment in the limelight, but it had to be when he was up to bat. He didn't even remotely understand baseball. Hitting a ball with a metal stick? He thought it was positively _Neanderthal_. But his peers seemed to make a big deal about it. As the ball hurdled toward him, he slammed his bat against it, sending it across the field.

Now, he wasn't at all _bad _at sports. Hockey was his second love, almost topping his passion for algebra.

But he _hated _them if they weren't hockey. His team propped up onto their feet, cheering for Logan as run across the diamond unenthusiastically, and the team got four points, bases having been loaded. But after making his way across the lines, he slugged his way to the dugout, receiving several pats on the back.

How he knew he fell in love with Kendall was after class, when the captain of the other team accused him of hustling. "I see your games." He growled, approaching Logan, who dried himself from a hot shower.

"_Games? _Brad, its P.E. It's _all _games." Logan scoffed, knowing he would regret talking back to the hefty and brick-red Bradley. He instantly saved his comment after he laid his eyes on Brad's steaming face. "...all of which you play very, _very _well."

"Not as good as you." He swiped Logan's towel out from around his waist.

"Brad, that's a little-" Logan backed up, now stark naked in an emptied locker room.

"Shut up. You _played _us. Me and my team."

"Calm down, Brad, it's just P.E."

"You don't get it, _you little faggot. _I've got a _reputation_."

_You took my towel and I'm the faggot?_ Logan thought to himself. "I'll pretend to be bad, I'm sorry, just don't hurt me, Brad, please."

"It's a little too late for _that_, Logan." And with that, Logan was beat to a heavy pulp. Resisting only made it even worse, giving him fresh bruises on top of the variety he already had from three years of practice on the middle school hockey team. He didn't get why Brad was so embarrassed from losing by Logan, who had already made his mark for being on the hockey team, but somehow, Brad, idiotic as he was, continually gave him blue and black marks all over his skin.

Soon enough, Logan had himself broken down on the tiled locker room floor, his vision slight and depleting. He was still half-soaked from the water of the shower, the other half soaked by the blood streaming down from his face and gashes in his cream skin. He had just begun to cry, most of the time, he had been in shock, and too scared to yelp for an ounce of help. Laying on the ground, Logan may have been the most vulnerable person on Earth.

And when Kendall bolted in, he dropped to his knees in front of his brother, and picked him up into a warm hug. "Logie, who did this to you?"

"Don't... don't get into a fight." Logan strained, his eyes fully closing.

"_Who did this to you?" _He insisted, his tone much angrier.

"_Don't _get into a fight."

"I won't. So who did it?"

"You're going to get into a fight."

"_No, no I won't."_

"I love you, Kendall." Logan murmured, falling immediately asleep in Kendall's arms. Kendall didn't panic, feeling Logan's chest pulsate slowly, signifying he was alive. All Logan needed was Kendall in that instance, and feeling his warmth, he knew he'd be alright in the end.

And it was in that moment Logan knew that he was in love with Kendall.

"I love you too, Logan."

* * *

_November 25, 2004_

* * *

It was Thanksgiving Day, and typically, Katherine, Emily, and Felicia got the family together in Katherine's large dining room, the fireplace crumbling in the background. The food was placed out before them, and they all ate in a polite manner, quiet and serene. Logan snickered along with Kendall who made a deal that entitled Logan to bark every time James would fiddle with his hair, and Kendall to blow a raspberry every time Carlos would twitch, his inability to sit still forcing him to do so.

"Can we be excused?" Kendall snickered, attempting not to laugh through his words. "I want to play video games."

"Yes, sweetheart." Katherine excused the boys, running off to put their dirty dishes into the sink, and starting up their Xbox. The game began before them, and James and Carlos slowly made their way into the living room. James stayed focus on his CD player, mouthing words to a new song, and Carlos read a comic book, no longer twitching due to the fatigue induced by the turkey and warm food.

None of them associated, and their mothers on the back porch laughed the night away, to the point of Kendall and Logan falling asleep on the floor, James, sleeping as well on the couch, and Carlos sleeping on the love seat across the room, comic book nestled against his waist.

The girls were beginning to end the night when they saw their sons asleep, still in their nice dinner clothes.

"Aw, look at that." Felicia cooed.

"Let's let them sleep. I'll send them home in the morning." Katherine said, as her friends began to prep for leaving.

It was then when the doorbell resonated, shaking awake all four boys, all dazed and confused. Katherine went to open it, happening upon a remnant of the past that nobody wanted to remember.

Jennifer Mitchell smiled perkily at Katherine, saying, "_Where's Logan?_"

"Jennifer?" Katherine said, her mouth gaping and her eyes wide. Felicia and Emily stepped to see through who was at the door, and their emotions peeled to the same reaction as Katherine's.

"_What are you doing here?" _Emily growled.

"Em, calm down." Katherine said coolly. "I can handle this."

Felicia restrained Emily, taking her into the kitchen where they would pull out the alcohol. They would be needing it tonight. Katherine, though, remained under the doorway, her expression still appalled by the woman who abandoned her child. "So. Jennifer. How are things?"

"Good. _Please _let me in. I really would love to explain _everything_." Jennifer drew closer.

"I can't do that." Katherine held out a spread hand, motioning her to stop in her tracks.

"Kath, why not?" Jennifer let out a forced laugh, brushing the bangs out of her hair.

"Because Logan is in there."

"_And that is stopping me from coming in... why?"_

"The minute you meet him is the minute you're going to want to take him away."

"He's still Logan _Mitchell_. Isn't he? And I'm still Jennifer _Mitchell_. He's _mine_."

"No, no, no_ he's not_." Katherine whimpered, tears beginning to fall.

"_Fine_. _Fine, Katherine. _Do you want to know _why _I left him?" Jennifer, too began to tear, though her voice cracking with anger as well. Katherine gave her a blank look. "_Because I was in danger_. _Okay? _I was in danger. There was a man after me. If he got to me, I would have died, _and so would he. _I was _not _going to let him die."

"What the _hell _did you do?" Katherine asked, her voice almost showing a bit of genuine concern.

"I owed this man money because I had to pay for the school I enrolled Logan in. Little did I know this man was extremely serious about his money and needed it up front. I didn't have it right then and there, so I tried to negotiate a payment plan. He happily accepted, but I lost my job because I had to stay home one night to tend to Logan when he had a cold. So I've been on the run since."

Katherine stood there speechless, almost ready to hug Jennifer, when a familiar voice emerged from behind her.

"Mom? Who's that?" Kendall asked rubbing his eyes.

Jennifer looked behind Katherine, her eyes warming. "Oh, _Kendall_, you're so big now."

"I guess." He looked down at himself. "Wait, who _are _you?"

"Kendall, go take James, Carlos, and Katie upstairs." Katherine ordered instantly.

"What about Logan?" Kendall grumbled, watching as Jennifer blinked rapidly at the mention of Logan's name. He shrugged, and emerged into the living room, then walked back out, carrying a sleeping little girl, followed two half-asleep zombies. You could faintly hear Kendall order, "You two can sleep on my bed. I'll be with Katie," as they walked up the staircase.

"Logan, honey! Please come here!" Katherine called.

Logan slowly made his way out of the living room and walked up to Katherine and looked at their guest, asking, "Who's this?"

Jennifer was truly sobbing thus far, tears practically falling like cataracts. "Logan, hon. Do you remember me?" A large smile broke on her face, looking at how much her son has grown.

"Not really." He smiled half-heartedly.

"I'm your mother, babe." She looked at him, as Logan began to feel his heart race. Not in happiness, but in a flush of anger. How dare she show her face after leaving him? Logan instantly darted upstairs, entering Kendall's room, to find James and Carlos awakening with confused looks. He ran out, scrambling to Katie's room, and grabbing Kendall by the wrist, then taking him into a hug, never letting go.

Kendall blinked and looked down at the hysteric Logan, and hugged him tighter, the two on their knees in the middle of Katie's small bed. In the doorway stood Carlos and James, watching the scene, their eyes ready to cry along with Logan's. Katie looked at her brothers, too confused to know what just happened, and too afraid to ask why.

Downstairs, Jennifer was welcomed inside, and began telling her story to her friends, sobbing all the while. By the end, they were all crying, and the boys slowly made their way downstairs, asking what had happened.

Katherine simply responded, "_A lot _happened, guys. Carlos, Jamie, go back upstairs, okay? And take Katie. I need to speak with Logan and Kendall." The two left as ordered, James grabbing Katie by the hand, and leading her slowly up the stairs.

"What's this about?" Kendall uttered.

"This is really hard to ask, Kenny, but I'm going to need to ask it of you, okay?" Jennifer approached the young blond boy, stroking his cheek.

"Ask it, then." Kendall bit his lip after saying what he did, as an attitude was slightly raised.

"I need to move back to Texas tomorrow. And I need to take Logan with me."

* * *

_December 12, 2004_

* * *

The day Logan left, Kendall was reluctant to visit the airport again. The past month had been _hell _for him, as he entered a panic state, him having to leave behind his very best friend, brother, and possibly the boy he was in love with. He was a little apprehensive of the last choice, but he knew there was something between them that he had never felt for Dana in his math class or Gabi in his science or Lindsey in his history.

Something special.

And it was no different for Logan. He didn't want to leave, he knew that much. But he felt a duty to his mother, who he had learned was in grave danger. Kendall and Logan made it a point to ignore one another for the duration of Logan's leaving, and the night Logan left, Kendall sat alone in his room.

The room was empty and dark. He had nothing. He sat on his bed, back against the wall, a bottle of beer nestled in his hands. He hated the taste of beer. It was positively disgusting. But he saw it as a sign of rebellion of life, the only thing he wanted to rebel against at the moment, wishing that Logan would return to him, take away the beer, and the two would collapse into each other like they would when life was hard.

But he couldn't do that.

Because Logan was gone.

He took another gulp of beer, grimacing at it justly, then let it flop against his bed, the liquid pouring out, spreading across his sheets. He fell to his side, asleep that night, a being wallowing in his own misery.

His mother sentenced him to therapy after finding him in the state he was, laying in a vat of soggy sheets and alcohol.

But even though the beer had numbed him temporarily, he kept returning to his bed in the same state, only those times, no alcohol. Slowly and slowly, his life began to slip through the cracks of his fingers, and for a long, terrible month, he didn't allow himself to be touched by anybody else.

The next day, James was left home alone by his mother, and being as picky and orderly as she was, sent him to the Knight household to visit Kendall so the two would keep an eye on each other, both of which had mothers with personal lives. Kendall was found by James laying under his bed and writing things onto the wooden striped lining the bottom.

James, usually, didn't enjoy being around Kendall, but his habits were getting too ridiculous for James to ignore.

James dropped to his knees and looked below Kendall's bed, greeting, "Hey." The first word they have spoken to each other in months.

Kendall glanced over, and replied, "_What?" _His voice was grim and unwelcoming.

"Scoot over."

"Why should I?"

"I want to see what it is you're writing."

"No."

"Please. Kendall, I know we've never been the best of friends. But just give me a chance to help you. _Please_." James insisted.

With a glare, Kendall scooted over and pulled out his cell phone to shine a light on the wood on the bottom of the bed, lined with Sharpie, written on for the last month. They all were sentences containing the words Logan.

_I miss Logan. When's Logan coming back? Why isn't Logan here? I love Logan. I think I really, really love Logan. _

"You _love _Logan?" James had to bite back a chuckle. It was just too damn adorable _not _to draw out an almost-laugh.

"Shut it, would you?" Kendall scoffed at his rival.

"Hey, I don't judge. Love who you love. It's not _my _business."

"I'm _not _gay alright? Not for _everybody_. Just Logan."

"Okay, can I laugh at that? This is just too good."

"Get the fuck out of my house."

"Kendall, I didn't mean it _like that_. I'm just saying, you two are just... a little too adorable for yourselves."

"_What?" _

"You two go together, you know? It's really actually cute. I wish I could find somebody like that. Somebody who loved me the way Logan loves you."

"Logan... _loves me?" _Kendall's voice was at a heavy crackle, tears beginning to stream down heavily.

"Of course he does, Kendall, who wouldn't?" James couldn't believe that after so many years of resentment towards Kendall, he finally just realized that Kendall was _amazing_, looking out for Katie and Logan, caring for the two of them so much. James recalled the glare he gave him when Carlos and him were fighting on the floor that fateful day. He was so enraged that Logan was broken down to tears. "You care for people. So much. It's sort of inspiring."

Kendall began to whimper much, much more, taking his face into his hands, bellows emerging from his mouth. "I miss him, James. So _fucking _much."

James took Kendall into a hug, which was a rare sight, and as Kendall wept into his shoulder, he remembered. "Remember this day? Back when we were four or something?"

Kendall grunted. James continued, "Yeah, well that was the first day you and I met. We were so little. My mom had just left my dad. And I was a wreck. I really needed you."

"But I didn't welcome you."

"Exactly. Because of Logan. At the time, I was afraid you didn't like me. But after time grew, I got used to seeing you. I remember admiring you once, after you sung karaoke at that party. You were good."

"No, I really wasn't."

"Yeah, you were. The point is, Kendall, you've never had anyone be there for you. Not since your dad left. I think it's time somebody gave you a hug when you needed it."

"You know, James, we could have been good friends." Kendall murmured quietly.

"Yeah, you were just too stupid to see it." James joked, receiving a light slap in the gut by the blond. "I was pretty stupid, too."

* * *

_January 1, 2005_

* * *

James and Kendall awed their mothers and Carlos when James was finally convinced by Kendall to stop his enrollment at Minnesota South Preparatory Academy and go to the public school that Kendall attended. With a little argument, Kendall trained James to play hockey, the two of them beginning to bond through the game. It was on New Years Eve when Carlos wanted to make friends with the pair, finally having enough of pretending he was friends with the demented kids at his school.

Carlos knew he wasn't mentally handicapped. He began wearing the helmet after the last night he was molested by his uncle, because it made him feel like he was protected under any circumstance. And he wasn't stupid. There were just so many other things in life to focus on than the stuff his teacher would make him focus on that he found it hard to relate with.

That New Years Eve, Carlos finally asked if it would be alright to join Kendall and James's hockey game as their mother threw a big neighborhood block party. The kids from the local public school came out to play with Kendall and James, and when Carlos approached, the rest began murmuring to themselves. "Isn't that the stupid kid who jumped off the tallest tree in the forest? I heard he wears the helmet because if he didn't, his head would explode or something. Rumors rumors rumors."

"Is it okay if I play, too, Kendall?" Carlos looked at the tall blond with intrepid eyes.

Kendall exchanged a look with his partner, James, and with a hefty sigh, he said. "Sorry. Full teams."

James gave Kendall a disappointed look, but skated away with him as they began the game with the other kids on the street. Carlos stood there, took off his helmet, and walked off into his backyard to begin playing with bugs he would find on the ground.

After a while, Kendall and James ultimately ended up losing, and James walked off and removed his equipment off with a storm of anger behind him. He walked home by himself, leaving Kendall chasing after him. "James! Jamie, what _is up _with you all of a sudden?"

"I can't believe you." James gave him a raged look.

"_What? _Was it that last pass to Ricky? Because it may have cost us the whole game, I know, but I've been eating a lot of sugar, and you know what sugar makes me like."

"It's not _that_."

"_Then what fucking is it?_"

"It's the way you treated Carlos. I don't know you to be like that."

"Oh, come _on._" Kendall groaned. "He's..."

"He's _not _retarded, Ken. I knew him way before you have. He's just different, alright?"

"So. What, you want me to apologize."

"Not if you're not going to mean it." And James walked away that New Years Eve.

* * *

_January 2, 2005_

_

* * *

_James was walking to the ice cream shop like he typically did, only an hour earlier to both to help the owner with the shop, and to avoid Kendall, who was usually beginning to walk to the babysitter's house to pick up Katie. He wasn't exactly the person he wanted to speak with. The air was brisk around his skin and he dug his hands into his pockets to avoid any more frost bite he may have already had.

But as he passed Kendall's house, he heard idle chit-chat, and a puck being slapped around and ice being carved from a distance. James heard Kendall's voice, then another familiar voice that he didn't believe.

Walking around to Kendall's backyard, he saw the most touching sight he may have ever seen.

There Kendall was, decked out in his hockey uniform, instructing the one and only Carlos on how to play hockey. Kendall was laughing as Carlos fumbled across the ice. He approached the edge of the ice, catching the attention of both boys, as Kendall skated over with a smile to greet James. "Hey."

"_What _are you doing?" James laughed.

"I gave it a few thoughts last night. And I figured that you know how Carlos feels to be deprived a friendship."

"Because your friendship was all I lived for." James said sarcastically. Carlos, after successfully completing the task Kendall set up for him, skated towards the pair.

"Hi, guys." Carlos smiled brightly, probably the brightest smile both had ever seen.

"Let's go get some ice cream." James motioned for the two to walk with him.

And as they walked to the parlor, James glanced at Kendall and thought to himself, _oh god, I'm falling in love._

_

* * *

_

_February 7, 2005_

* * *

Winters were hot in Dallas.

Logan lazed around on his front porch, fumbling with his almanac page's corner, and ignoring his typical winter break study to think about Minnesota. Think about Kendall. Think about Katie. Think about how their lives are without him. He wondered if they were in pain without him. If Kendall was still sleeping in his alcohol, like he heard his mother and Katherine talking about over the phone one evening. He wondered if Kendall was still attending therapy.

Winters were cold in Minnesota.

He missed the snow and the cold winters.

In Texas, the last thing to fall from the sky was snow. A UFO would land in Logan's backyard before snow did. His small town just outside of suburban Dallas was surrounded by dry nothingness. Devoid of life and green and the forests he missed back home. He wished that he was back home.

Home in Minnesota. Home in Kendall's arms, where he knew he belonged.

He knew that Carlos and James and Kendall and Katie were having a hell of a better time than he was at that point. Heck, a bug in a fumigated house was having a better time than he was.

Winters were hot in Dallas.

But Logan had never felt so cold before in his life.

* * *

**Warning: **This chapter of the fanfiction contains underage drinking and other mature themes. Please leave it you do not find it good to read. _I _find it juicy. Just saying.

**A/N: **There's still so many ways to go with the slash pairings at this point. It's eating me alive which to choose. Keep leaving your couple preferences in the reviews. The reviews, by the way, are so incredibly nice that I'm just loving writing this even more than I already did. I love you guys and I love your support.

I'm still also debating whether I should rate it M or not. Your thoughts?

And I also apologize for my time line mistakes. It's really late and I'm writing out of inner emotion.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing your recognize. Insert clever disclaimer pun here.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

A Few Answers, Please?**  
**

* * *

_June 3, 2005_

**

* * *

**Carlos Rodriguez became Carlos Garcia when he was twelve.

The wedding was stunning. Carlos wasn't the type to enjoy weddings, _especially _not his mother's, but as he stood as his stepfather's best man, he felt like a celebrity. His friends heckled him about his little tuxedo, tailored with traces of a soft sea green, the theme color of the wedding. James and Kendall sat front row, supervising each other, their mothers being part of the ceremony, being the bridesmaids. Kendall never saw his mother appear more youthful, James as well, and Carlos... well, Carlos wished that his wife would be like his mother, as odd as that may have sounded in his head at the time.

But when his mother and Julian Garcia stole that kiss, he knew that Julian was now his dad. He had already been calling him papi the minute the beautiful couple started dating, and Julian was a very good man, so Carlos was happy to have the officer who helped him in his hour of need be there to be a father figure. It was a funny situation they were in because his mother was the last of the quartet of girls to get married, the first to get left behind, and now was the first to get re-married.

The boys had horrible fathers who contributed to them their most negative of personality traits. Their lives went like this: Jennifer, born first, married Michael, who left when Logan was two. Katherine, second eldest, married Kenneth, and left when Kendall was eight and Katie on the borderline of being born. Katherine was the last to have her husband leave. Emily, third born, shooed out her husband, Erik, when James was four. And lastly, Felicia, was married to her husband Rosario until Carlos was three. A year later, Carlos was molested, and her next husband was met.

And here they were.

For the longest time, the ladies believed that it was them. Their sons could easily recall the times their moms would tell them about the time they wasted crying, telling themselves that they were the unluckiest set of women ever, cursed with the inability to satisfy a man.

But then they took a slap in the face from reality whenever they took a glance at their young children, they were reminded that it wasn't them who was abandoned, it was their sons. Logan lost a teacher, a man who would show him the world. Kendall lost a hero, a man who would show him how to help people. But the cowardice men who left Carlos and James weren't valued; James lost a discouragement in his singing dreams, and Carlos lost a cruel dictator.

They grew to learn that it wasn't them who drove their husbands out.

Their husbands did that to _themselves_.

And when Carlos watched as his mother left a kiss on his new father's mouth, he couldn't help but shake giddily. He would be the first of his friends to get his father figure back, and though it was a touchy subject, he was glad to have something his friends didn't. The ceremony had come to a close, and now, people were milling about and partying. The kids were sent into a room within the country house that they rented for the evening's festivities.

Carlos, James, and Kendall sat watching their cousins dance about and hook up, which James found positively sexy, Carlos found himself feeling odd inside, and Kendall disgusted, believing that this was _not _the age to be hooking up, much less not at the place nor the time.

But the way James's eyes burned into Kendall, Carlos's eyes wandered to find James, and Kendall began staring adrift, they knew that awkward was slowly shifting itself into the air surrounding them.

Carlos didn't get why he was checking out James, but he figured that it was his natural inquisitive soul lurching about and acting up again. But the way he was enjoying it, actually taking in James's features, his soft chestnut hair, and his slimming tuxedo, began to confuse him. Boys naturally didn't feel the same way about other boys. And without a doubt, he would openly do the same thing he was doing to James to most of the girls, but the fact that it was _James _confused him.

James knew he loved Kendall. He was a bisexual thirteen-year-old boy. His father had it right from the beginning. But he most definitely enjoyed girls for the duration of his lifetime. _Kendall, though? _Kendall captured his attention. It was rare when another boy would capture James's attention, but when he did, James knew it was love. _True love. Whatever that was at their age._

Kendall was in love with Logan. At least, he pretty was sure he was. From day one, Kendall liked Logan. His pale innocence, his constant need for Kendall's endearment and affection. It felt good to have Logan be the person he would risk anything for, besides his mother and Katie. But Kendall, even after he stopped being so dark about Logan, and befriended the two boys he thought he never would, still constantly missed Logan, the little boy who would retreat into his arms at every little thing that would get in his way.

The three boys went to sleep together that night, it being too momentous an occasion to end the night alone, despite the awkward burning marks into their skin. The three were laying on Kendall's soft, chocolate brown couch, huddling together and escaping under the woollen blanket to hide from the horror movie staring them in the face.

Carlos was whimpering fiercely, wishing it would go away, hugging his knees, and about to cry. But he insisted that he was a strong boy, and continued watching the movie. James was amused by how scared he was, mostly because he was clutching Carlos tight, chuckling, and Kendall was clutching him just as tight, choking back terrified screams. It may have been the most touching thing the three had ever done.

But that night, a ring at the doorbell caused them to jump.

Kendall gulped down a large lump. "We're going to get the door. _Together_."

"_Agreed_." James and Carlos muttered, as the three walked towards the door, huddled together, hesitating as they walked down the hallway. Every patch of darkness seemed to shock each of the boys' hearts, their imaginations extra-fueled by the horror movie left behind in the living room.

As they opened the door, they saw the most frightening sight, much scarier than the horror movie they had just witnessed.

Before them, stood Jennifer Mitchell, face purple and bleeding, his mother carrying a fainted and even paler than usual Logan in her arms, just as pained and destroyed. "We're back, boys."

"Aunty Jen!" Kendall cried, his voice drowned in peril, as Carlos and James instantly scurried to lift Logan into the living room, leaving Kendall to give his aunt a delicate hug, then flurrying amass of questions. "Aunt Jen, what happened? Why would you... how did you?"

"Kenny, sweetheart, please go get your mother. And some rubbing alcohol." Jennifer slowly limped to the living room, later to be helped towards Logan by Carlos and James.

Kendall nodded firmly and dashed upstairs, entering his mother's room. "Mom! Mom! Wake up!"

Katherine groaned, taking in the fear in Kendall's tone. "Kenny, I told you not to watch that scary movie..."

"_No, mom, _it's _not _the movie, it's Aunt Jennifer."

"What _about _her, babe?" Katherine almost sounded annoyed by the sudden wake up that early, early morning.

"_She's downstairs."_

"_What?" _She said, her being now wide awake, and her body rushing to fumble out the bed.

"And she's hurt." Kendall said, as his mother bolted out of the room, him beginning to feel tears from a mixture of shock, happiness, and fear.

* * *

_June 4, 2005_

* * *

Logan awoke, his outsides broken, but his insides somewhat elated to be able to be with the boy he loved once more.

He was dressed in Kendall's softest pajama outfit, alongside James who clutched a palm over his shoulder, arm slid over his small chest. The boys must have taken Katherine's bed, having woken in her room. Carlos and Kendall were early risers, leaving James and Logan together in the room.

Logan felt nice to be in somebody's grip, but he was somewhat thrown that it had been James. He tapped the long-haired boy's hand lightly, muttering, "James. James, let me go."

James's eyes fluttered open, eyes meeting Logan's. They became wide instantly, and he rose to lift the weight from Logan and wipe his palms on his shirt as if he was holding a garbage can. "Logan, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Logan sat up slowly, hissing from the twinge in various areas of his body. His voice was scratchy and cracked, strewn with sadness and pain, yet a hopeful squeak about it gave both boys some sense of relief.

"Our moms talked over what happened to you." James scooted close to his smaller counterpart, taking him into a warm hug. "You can cry."

"James, what are you-" Logan didn't understand why it is that _James_, aggressive, determined, hard-headed James, would be the one he woke up with his arms slung around. Maybe it was James making a move...

No, it couldn't have been _that_. James liked girls. As far as Logan knew.

"Just shut up and cry already." James had already beat him to it, though, tears tracing his cheeks gently. "We never got around to being, you know, _friends_."

"Kendall didn't... want us to." Logan subtly figured, drawing up the most legitimate excuse.

"Kendall's not here right now." James chuckled. "Is hugging you weird? _It sorta feels weird."_

"Yeah, why _are _we doing this again?"

"I suppose I can relate to you. My dad left me behind and hurt me _plenty_, too. Then my mom brings home some horrible dude, in my case, multiple dudes, and you end up just running far, far away from where it is you _absolutely love to be_."

"I _hated _Texas." Logan admitted. "Too hot."

"Well, then, besides a little pain, you've got Minnesota _and _Kendall now."

"_I thought Kendall wasn't here." _Logan murmured in playful accusation._  
_

"He rea-" James paused a second. Was he really going to do this? Was he going to drive Logan into the arms of the love of hislife? Logan, being a boy he knew almost nothing of, Kendall being the boy he idolized, both of them together will definitely break his heart. But, somehow, he managed, "Kendall. He loves you."

"Of course he loves me. We've been brothers since-"

"_No._ Not like that. Kendall _loves you_."

Logan's face ripened to a carnation pink. "_He does?_" Yep. James may as well have sold his entire heart to Logan, giving him a bonus deal by handing him his chances of happiness and romance.

"Not lying. And from your tone of voice, you love him back." James let go of the hug. He saw that Logan had begun crying, most likely tears of joy, knowing he reunited with Kendall for the first time in the longest time he had ever felt. "_Well? _Go get him."

James helped Logan out of the large bed, and down the stairs, into the dining room, where Kendall fed on his cereal. His face brightened to see James, a broken face attempting to override a happy one, and Logan, flustered and shy, approaching him with caution. James left the dining room to meet with Carlos, who could be heard from a distance playing his morning video games. His cries were muffled with oatmeal.

"Hey, Kenny." Logan's voice squeaked as they spoke across the table, Logan straining to stand up. He tried to not let his fear get the best of his ability to stand.

"Hey, Logie." Kendall's voice, too, was breaking slowly.

And Kendall had never felt happier.

* * *

_August 13, 2005_

* * *

Kendall and Logan began spending so much more time together, leaving James in an angered mess. He looked back to the day he befriended Logan, having fallen asleep, clutching the boy with a harmonious embrace, then woken up to have a crying fit with him, attempting to comfort him, only to send him into Kendall's arms. The school year had begun suddenly, the boys now in the seventh grade, prepared to take on the entire student populous.

James and Kendall had a few classes together, and Kendall and Logan, but the only class where the three were together was P.E. The three of them were generally skilled in athletics and sports, but James began getting especially competitive around Logan and Kendall, fueled by the envy of having the object of his desire smother himself upon Logan.

James didn't want to think ill of Logan. He was a smart kid. A _very _smart kid. Also a very good kid.

So bottom line, he was borderline enraged at how stuck he was. What was he supposed to say, anyway? "Kendall I'm in love with you, please dump Logan for me." Imagine how Logan would feel. Imagine how Kendall would feel. Imagine how he himself would feel, having felt like a bad person just fathoming about tearing the two about.

Coach had lined the class of teenage boys up to play hockey in the middle school's small rink.

Kendall, James, and Logan decided to sit it out that day. Life was a bit too serious at the moment to have a real game among friends, so they decided to simply shoo around the puck on the surface of the ice. The cold restraint of the rink and their thin gym clothes made them shiver, but the Minnesota boys had grown used to the quivering and the temperature alike.

They talked.

_Well_, Kendall talked, and he seemed to have the pair of boys hanging onto every word he said. He knew Logan and he had some chemistry going on, but James was beginning to look at him the same way Logan did, the same pair of desiring eyes.

Was Kendall just giving off the wrong pheromone lately, or _what?_

Kendall decided to test it. "So, Logan, we should go to the girls' hockey game tomorrow. I heard it's going to be intense. You know, just you and me." Logan looked up, joyous. He nodded enthusiastically, passing the puck to James, whose eyes were sharpened and narrowed onto Logan with a deathly glare. "Oh, I also think you should spend a bit more time with Carlos starting after school today. He needs help getting into this school."

Suddenly, Logan's euphoric face melted away. "He wants to go _here? _What, I'll tutor him, or something?"

"_Yeah._ Good plan, huh?" Kendall beamed.

"And what will you be doing without me?" Logan asked, a smudge of anger crossing his tone.

"I don't know. I'll be practicing with James, I guess." Kendall said, watching James and Logan switch emotions.

_Oh, yeah. Something was definitely going on._

_

* * *

_

_August 15, 2005_

* * *

Even though Kendall blurted all the information about the girls' hockey game and the tutoring and the practice out on impulse, he didn't want to appear as a liar, so he went on with the plans and both pissed off and happily engaged both boys effectively. Kendall and Logan enjoyed as their home team for girls' hockey claimed regional victory, then Logan was dismissed to meet Carlos at the local library, leaving Kendall to meet with James.

What he had to do, he didn't know.

Logan, being shook off by his best friend, walked to meet Carlos at the library in a huff of rage. The local library was large, and prominent, sticking out in the middle of town, busy (as busy as a library could get) with college students and scholars, mothers and their soon-to-be geek children, enthusiastic about books. Logan found Carlos inside the library, fumbling with a textbook about ecosystems. What Carlos was interested in was the pictures of the fascinating animals of the planet.

He probably didn't even know what an ecosystem was.

Logan reached in his backpack, pulling out a new notebook he purchased at the store, labeled with Sharpie with the words: Lesson Plan. Carlos planned on learning anything it took to get him to pass the test he was required to take to get into regular school to be with James and Kendall. Logan tried to sound happy when approaching Carlos, who he had just gotten himself acquainted with yesterday, even after all these years.

"Hey." He sat down. It was awkward teaching Carlos, but he knew that it was, one, making Kendall happy, and two, the air of awkwardness would soon fade. Carlos was bubbly like that.

"What're we learning today, teach?" Carlos beamed brightly, welcoming his teacher with a happy, inquisitive sunshine about him.

"Uh." Logan took a glance and Carlos's smile, and suddenly, it was a lot easier to open up. "You pick: Math, English, Science, or Social Studies?"

"Can we do P.E.?" Carlos joked with a small chuckle.

"Let's save that for last. Maybe later, I'll take you to Kendall." Logan smiled.

"What about... something _fun_?"

"Fun? Well, what do you think is fun?"

"I think... I think _you're _fun." Carlos smiled with a sweet, small smile perked upon his face.

"You think I'm fun?" Logan was both thrown and flattered by Carlos's odd way of kissing up.

"_Totally! _So _you _pick, and _you _make it fun. You _are _the teacher, after all." Carlos made a very good point.

"Then let's do science."

"Alright, then." Carlos smiled, pushing the ecosystems book towards Logan. "Teach me about animals."

Logan didn't know what it was about Carlos that made it suddenly so easy to talk to. At first, the idea of being in the library, teaching Carlos was both a lost cause and a bore. Logan loved to learn things, sure, and teaching the things he learned may have been fun, but Carlos wasn't exactly his most desired student.

But suddenly, now Carlos was a desired student.

And Logan had never made Kendall so happy in such an easy way.

* * *

_September 18, 2005_

_

* * *

_The first day the four boys came together diplomatically and quite peacefully was a few hours before Katie's birthday party. Kendall was doing a horrible job of hiding his gloomy emotions with a gleeful charade. Nobody bought it. The four were decorating the Knight house, rushing to finish before Katie and their mothers got home from entertaining the little girl.

They were luckily finished before the ladies of the house went home, leaving the four with time to get ready for the festivities and dress in their party clothes.

But for the next few minutes, the boys would take a well-deserved break. The four were panting heavily, flopped like fish onto the couch. Their sweat was ready to be collected in buckets, and they took a good, long look at their work. The entire house was adorned with streamers and confetti, the furniture slightly rearranged to support Katie's young friends who planned on darting about and shooting plastic toys at one another. The colors popped along the house, and the boys had never been so proud.

Logan was the only of the four who remembered that day as the first time the four worked together to accomplish absolutely anything. They even did a good job.

All they had to do was bake the cake, get ready, and entertain the guests. After that, they could sleep, which was heavily deserved.

The four had bonded closer, definitely, and ever since Logan's hard work earned Carlos a spot as a student at their public school, and Kendall's hard work that earned him a spot on the hockey team. Life was beginning to look up.

That is, until that night.

The four decided to bunk at James's house for the night. The mothers had ganged together and fallen asleep in the Knight household to oversee the band of little princesses who had made Katie's room their resting place. James laid out a large comforter to cover his couch, put on American Pie, and let the four's hormones rage on as they watched the teen angst-filled movie.

Kendall retreated to go to the bathroom, leaving James and Logan to stare as he walked out of the room. He donned only his plaid boxers and a white tee shirt. Carlos shoved another handful of popcorn into his mouth and let out a belch before the two broke their sudden need to stare down the blond as he left the room.

Carlos noticed the two's stares and began picking up on James's patterns of reacting to Kendall. He began to get a bit fed up. "I'm... going to get some air." Carlos sighed. "Hope you three can work things out."

"_What?_" The duo said in unison, both wondering what it was Carlos knew about the three. Kendall returned to find only the two boys, their eyes fixated onto the movie.

"Where'd Carlitos go?" Kendall sat down, taking the deep bowl of popcorn and mimicking Carlos's action by inhaling a fistful.

"He's out on the back porch. Getting some air." James announced. "Someone should go check on him. He seemed worried."

After a awkward silence, Logan surveyed the two boys' faces. He knew those two weren't the most sympathetic of the four, and he groaned. "_Fine_. I'll do it." He stood up, walking out to the porch to find Carlos, laying down on the pillowed porch swing, the ambiance saturated in a moonlit blue. Carlos seemed to glow in the light, and Logan approached his friend slowly.

"Hey." He said, as Carlos propped himself upright to make room for his friend.

Taking a seat, Carlos replied, "Hi."

"So, what's up?"

"Nothing much, you?"

"Just wondering why you're looking so... _I don't know..._" Logan took a glance at his friend. "_Alone?_"

Carlos gulped. "I'm going to tell you something."

"I'll listen."

"You promise you won't laugh? Or hate me forever, or something?"

"Why would I do that?"

"It's a bit... _different_."

"_Different?_"

"_Yeah_."

"Well, shoot. I can handle it."

"I've been looking at James the way the girls look at James. I don't know why. I really don't. I'm confused and I'm scared."

Logan chuckled, look at his friend shake with every word he said. Carlos never looked so innocent before.

"You promised you wouldn't laugh." Carlos bit his lip and sounded as if he was resisting a barrage of tears.

"I'm not laughing at _you _Carlos." He swung an arm over his shorter friend. "It's just a little different to watch you so vulnerable."

Carlos waded in the silence. "...okay?" He commented sarcastically, brushing off Logan's snickers.

"What you should do is..." Logan took a look at Carlos, his needy eyes and his lip bit back tight. His gaze was fixed onto the beautiful sky, stars fluttered onto the black of the sky, the moon governing each and every glow in the sky. Carlos wondered if that one star represented every person on Earth. If it did, there had to be a star out there that belonged to him. "You should, um..."

The more Carlos looked longingly at the sky, Logan got more lost into his expression. He began feeling warmth from the bottom of his stomach, and finally uttered, "You should come inside. James is wondering where you are."

"I like it here." Carlos didn't, for a second, look away from the night sky.

Logan smiled, and look at the wonderment that Carlos was gazing out upon. "...me too." He said under breath.

"Let's stay."

Logan took a last glance at Carlos, wishing that the subtle coziness he felt emerging from his insides would go away so that he could go inside and watch the movie. But instantly, he told Carlos, "...okay."

And they laid on the swing and watched the night.

Meanwhile, inside, James attempted to figure out what it was with Kendall that kept him from totally enjoying the funniest parts of the movie. James was bouncing hysterically at the comedic bit, but Kendall merely shone a fake smile.

"Okay, what's the matter?" James swiped the remote and clicked the television off.

Kendall suddenly looked angry. "_Nothing_. I want to watch the movie."

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on."

"James, I can't."

"Yes, you can. Please, tell me."

"Another time, okay? It's not the day for that."

"Tell me, Kenny. _Now._" James was almost angry at this point. Kendall gave a look of sadness to James, then tore out of the room and out onto the porch. He instantly clutched Logan's wrist after approaching in a rush, then pulled the two into James's room. Carlos followed the hasty couple back into the living room to find that the touching feeling he felt be replaced by a sudden heat after James approached. Carlos reacted by asking, "What did you _say_?"

James shrugged, his eyes wide. He'd angered Kendall before, numerous of ways, but never to the point where Kendall needed Logan and not him. James appeared awestruck and dumbfounded. All Carlos did was sit down and rub his shoulder in attempt to comfort him.

What _just _happened?

* * *

_September 19, 2005_

_

* * *

_Kendall and Logan fell asleep on James's bed, and when Logan awoke, he recalled the night before.

_"Kendall, we've been through this." Logan said as the two were in an embrace. "Your dad is gone."_

_"I know, but. I just."_

_"James asked you about him, didn't he?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I can't believe you told him that this is the day he left. Am I the only one that knows the exact day?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"And you're angry that he didn't even bother to assume that it was the day. He's supposedly 'emotionally detached to you.'"_

_"...what?"_

_"I get it, Ken. You like James. I know."_

_"...what?" Kendall repeated almost instantly. Was Logan really that smart?_

_"Yes, I'm that smart, Kendall." It was as if he could hear his thoughts. "And no, I can't read your thoughts. I'm just really smart."_

_"I do not like James." Kendall muttered clearly.  
_

_"You love him."_

_"Stop it. I like you."_

_"You like me, sure." Logan blushed a bit. "I knew that. But you love James."_

_"I'm going to sleep."_

_"Okay."_

And there were the two, awakening that morning.

The other two were downstairs, as James awoke suddenly to Carlos breathing lightly onto his neck, having fallen on him in their sleep. They were mounted on the couch, and James, too, couldn't help but recall the last night, after Kendall stormed off.

_"It'll be okay, Jamie. Kendall won't be mad at you for too long." Carlos said, smiling a bright smile at his taller counterpart._

_Carlos's voice sounded assuring, enough for James to respond, "You really think so?"_

_"I know so!" Carlos chirped brightly._

_It was something about Carlos that made him feel like he needed to be strong and jubilant for the sake of themselves. James couldn't help but smile whenever Carlos was around. "Okay, then." He paused for a while and thought through things. He told himself that things were going to get better, trusting his smaller partner's word. "Hey, Carlos..." His voice trailed, beginning a heartfelt thank you to his friend, when he found his smaller friend dozed off, head fallen back against the couch._

_James chuckled slightly, pushing Carlos's head into his neck, and the two fell asleep, right then and there._

And there were the two, awakening that morning.

Making a total of four, who wanted on thing that daybreak.

_Answers._

* * *

**A/N: **I can see the couples already forming in my head, and they're beginning to solidify, but keep leaving your beautiful, beautiful reviews about the couples. I apologize if it's a little muddled and/or confusing. I'm beginning to experience that dreadful disease called Writer's Block. It'll go away soon.

Maybe.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except the plot. You already knew that, though, right?


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Change of Heart**  
**

* * *

_October 31, 2005_

* * *

Eventually, things returned to normal.

Relationships, as hard as it was, remained platonic. Logan was too timid to step into the way of James's advances towards Kendall. Carlos was too blissfully unaware to do the same. But the day things went to turmoil was the autumn evening, Halloween.

Trick-or-treating got old. Costumes did, as well. They were _twelve _for God's sake (they found that telling themselves twelve was mature made them feel good.) He figured it was either time to pick up sexier costumes or to drop them all in all. Picking up sexier ones was an option few of the other boys wanted to (and were too immature to) do, so the three decided to cook up much more excitement that Halloween. At several attempts to scare kids, they successfully frightened at least twelve children.

They sat in Kendall's attic, laughing away as their rigged scarecrow stood up and roared at random children. Watching the kids flutter about with fear never got old, and their guilt for shaking young ones out of their innocence was easily overpowered by their laughter.

But after midnight, the kids stopped coming by for candy, and Logan darted quickly downstairs to turn off their scarecrow, then back up to the attic to pop in a scary movie to stay festive.

Why they ignored the movie and began asking each other questions about life, they didn't know, but it felt a hell of a lot better than watching the slaughter on the screen before them.

Lots happened that night. Carlos began the tension by stating, "So why are we acting so weird? Like, lately?"

Nobody answered, but Kendall broke the tension. "You're going _crazy_, Carlitos. We've been acting fine."

"For a month, we've been... _normal teenagers_. We're _not _normal teenagers." Carlos traced the beams of wood on the roof with expectant eyes, as if they were longing for an answer to the question he asked. He watched the patches of darkness grow, but he wasn't afraid. He had the strength of his best friends that ensured he could take on the world. But in asking the question, he knew they couldn't be any more afraid, no matter how unafraid of the dark patches they were.

They were afraid of each other.

"The boy raises a very good point." Logan muttered. "We've never been normal. Since birth."

The four sat in a flower-type position, each being a petal. James, the tallest petal, next to him Kendall and Carlos, then, also in between the blond and the Latino, Logan. Their large pair of comforters that served as a temporary mattress remained soft, coating the tough wood, and their pajamas and shared body warmth made each boy feel cozy and safe under each other's presence.

"Nothing's going on. Okay?" Kendall reassured. "_Nothing."_

When really, everything was going on.

"Quit it with the lies." Carlos's tone turned suddenly serious. "Explain _everything_. All of you."

"_Fine._ I'm James, I have brown hair, I want to be a singer-" James's attempted joke was cut short by Carlos's rare and serious voice.

"Shut it. I want out. The _truth_." Carlos ran his hand through his hair, relieving the stress. "...guys, _please_. It's getting weird. How weirdly _easy _it is to be a boy with you. I like it, but it's not what we do."

"So you want to _stop_ nights like these?" Kendall said.

"What I want to _stop _is the secrets. We're keeping them. I know we are." Carlos's voiced trailed. "I'll tell mine if you all tell yours."

"You go first then, Carlitos. Let's see if you've got a ballsy enough secret to get us all to tell ours." Kendall knew Carlos was one to never back out of a cleverly-worded challenge, as far as Carlos knew about linguistics and witty banter.

Carlos fumbled with his hands for a while before blurting out his first secret. "Uh." Carlos stammered, and suddenly, the attic became much more hot, like a sauna, the stress replacing the air. "Uh, I like falling asleep near you guys. That sounds really... _weird_. But it makes me feel nice. And safe. And nice."

"Little pansy." James joked, almost taken in by Carlos's sudden innocent voice. "Alright, well. I like not watching a scary movie when a scary movie is playing. Talking to you guys is nice."

"And Carlos is the pansy?" Kendall laughed. "Logan, go before me."

"I'm scared of losing one of you. I never thought I would ever befriend any of you guys back when we were little. Life seemed so... _gone_. Then I met you three. Then life changed." Logan said softly.

"This is _so _cheesy." Carlos couldn't help but laugh and blush pink. It wasn't like four hockey-heads to lay around in their pajamas, talking about their feelings. But something about being together made the four feel at harmony, as if the world around them disappeared and they were floating off into nowhere. Like the universe intended the four to be together. Inevitable, they lay. "Let's get down the nitty-gritty now. Who do you guys like?"

"Why? _You interested? _You already got my number, Kenny." Carlos chuckled.

"Shut up." Kendall snickered. "Seriously."

"There are so many _better questions_." James scoffed.

"We'll say them all at once. Together." Kendall figured. "On three. Ready?"

"Ready." The other three chirped.

"One. Two. Three."

Altogether, one could only truly make out was, "JamesKendallLogan." All stacked up on top of each other. But the other boys heard it. And they knew who said each.

The room fell silent until Carlos announced, "Let's go to sleep." In a disappointed murmur. He let his eyes drop.

_Nobody really liked him anyway._

_

* * *

_

_November 4, 2005_

_

* * *

_The relationship thing grew harder as the preteens advanced on after that night.

Logan and James sat idly and watched Kendall go about his days, making it known that he wanted to share time with both his admirers evenly, to neither boy's pleasure. But it was fair. When Kendall had Logan, James had Carlos.

Together, the two would get in general trouble and typically end the day by heading to Kendall's house, where their mothers spent most of their time. Today was no different. Kendall and Logan had taken a bus into the city after school, by their mother's permission, to watch a hockey game. James decided to pass on it, reluctantly, and spend the day with his counterpart, Kendall running through his mind. They decided to climb the local mountain, reaching the peak quickly.

It wasn't a very high mountain, but it was as high as they were going to be able to climb without precautionary equipment. They sat, bottoms nestled in the snow, and the twilight was rapidly setting in. Carlos remembered the last time he saw the moon the way it was, a few days ago. He had been with Logan, and not nearly this cold.

Shivering, he whispered, "..._pretty_."

James took a while to respond. "Like me." He joked. Carlos smiled, feeling his chilled cheeks stretch across his face, a sense of hope filling his heart to the brim. James seemed to be counting the stars, his eyes darting back and forth, examining the beauty in the sky that almost withstood his own. Carlos liked how James found something fascinating to look at that _wasn't _a mirror.

"You know, Kendall would love being here." Carlos noted, waggling a matter-of-fact finger.

"_Maybe_." James acted as if the name Kendall didn't pierce his heart. James kept on thinking about how he wasn't with him. How Kendall should have been there to take him into his warmth.

"_Maybe? _He'd _love it_."

"Yeah."

Carlos wished James would just look at him. He hadn't seen him take even a genuine, I'm-glad-to-be-with-you glance. It was as if Carlos wasn't living up to what James had wanted. No appreciation, no judgment, no love, no concern. Carlos shook his head, told himself to enjoy the moment, and looked back out to the shaded beyond, the open sky before him. He wondered how the sky felt. To be looked at all the time. To hold the attention of every person on Earth. To be looked up to, to hold all the answers to so many of the world's questions. "Are you mad?" Carlos finally asked.

"What? _No_." James said quickly.

"Okay." Carlos bit his bottom lip and glanced around nonchalantly.

"I mean, I wasn't _ditched _or anything."

"Okay." Carlos repeated, knowing which road the subject was going down.

"I wasn't _left behind_. I didn't _want _a ticket to that game. It's probably a _stupid _game, anyway."

"Okay."

"It's a stupid team. It's a _stupid _game. Hockey's a stupid game. It's _stupid._ Kendall's _stupid._"

"James."

"I'm _not mad, okay?" _James was now fuming, looking at Carlos with a gaze that could set a redwood forest ablaze. Carlos stifled a chuckle deep in his throat, and looked at his taller friend with eyes that could only say:

"Okay."

James's angry face melted away, watching Carlos's features become striped with the glow from the moonlight. His expression became sympathetic, as if watching a young puppy wag its tail in his face, big brown eyes pleading for a little hug, some form of appreciation. "Carlos?" James said.

"Yeah?" Carlos smiled.

"Can I do something?" James stammered, the winter snow suddenly melting around his warm mood.

"Like what?"

James leaned in close to his friend, shut his eyes gently, and planted a kiss on the smaller boy's lips. Their tongues danced, and Carlos's insides did a flip and landed in a hot tub, because suddenly, the ice around him became futile, no longer cold. After they let go, Carlos gave James a heavy, deep-set look, and didn't, not once, break his stare. James fumbled around though, nervously, his palms clammy with tension.

The moment was broken after they heard Logan's voice calling to them from the bottom. "_Guys_! It's late!" He called. "Let's go do homework!"

James didn't hesitate to begin his trek down, and Carlos followed dizzily, approaching the bottom quickly. As they arrived, Logan didn't mind when James brushed past him to meet with Kendall, already down the block. Logan approached Carlos, noticing his dazed expression, euphoric or disgusted, Logan couldn't determine. All he did was wrap his arm around his friend, and asked, "_Dude_, you look high. What'd you two do?"

"Oh. Nothing, really." Carlos rubbed his eyes. "I'm not high."

"Alright, well. It's late. We have to do homework and study."

"Is James going to be there?" Carlos swore he just thought that.

Logan chuckled, "No, he'll probably want to watch TV with Kendall." Logan gave Carlos a peculiar look. "Why would it matter if James was there or not? We always study together. I mean, we can invite him if you-"

"_No._" Carlos almost shrieked. "I mean. Nah, I'd rather study with you. You know, alone."

"_Are you sure you're alright?_" Logan laughed.

"I don't think so."

"What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you when we're alone."

"_Studying?_"

"Yeah. Studying."

* * *

_November 7, 2005_

_

* * *

_Carlos confessed to Logan about the kiss on the mountaintop that night, and Logan had some wild, crazy idea to get James to do it again. And Carlos was all for wild, crazy ideas, _just not _the particular one that Logan had concocted in his genius, twisted mind.

Logan was prepping Carlos, rubbing his shoulders and running him through a pep-talk. He did a full analysis of every detail that Carlos told about the moment on the mountaintop, and was spouting out details left and right. "Alright, so he obviously kissed you out of heat and passion, the whim of the moment, you know?"

"_No._" Carlos said hesitantly. "I don't know _anything _about what you just said."

"It means, kiss him quick and make it _good._"

"I don't know how." Carlos looked down at his bare feet.

"It's easy."

"Easy for _you _to say. Making out with Kendall every three seconds your with him. _Just call him your boyfriend already since you two are so good at it._" Carlos began to sputter out words.

"Shut _up, _will you?" Logan chuckled. "Kendall and I have... a _thing_ going. Okay? It's his call."

"_Well if you guys are so special and so in love then you better run off to whereversville in Paradise City and get married and have seven kids and name them Logandall and Kengan and just all live in each other's happiness while you sponge money from the economy and run away forever to be-"_

"I told you to shut up."

"I _don't know how to kiss_." Carlos barked louder.

"Test it out, then." Logan groaned, lifting up his hands to signal that he be the subject.

"_Ew, why?_" Carlos half-grimaced. Kissing Logan didn't really faze him as much as he appeared it to be. Logan was all over Kendall and he was all over James and the four had themselves a gargantuan faggot-fest web of relationships, so kissing Logan had to have happened sometime or another.

"I'll rate. Let's try." Logan approached quickly, and told Carlos, "It means absolutely nothing."

"But..."

"But _what?_" Logan added. "The only thing we'd have to worry about is if you had feelings for me. Then that would be a problem. But you don't. You like James, whose movie will be over _any minute now_. So we test it now, then you get at him."

"..._fine_." Carlos approached.

The kiss wasn't too romantic, but it was soft. Logan was a bit timid, no matter how much he build himself up beforehand, but he seemed to test Carlos's lips well, diagnosing the physical language and making an assumption on the rating. The scary part was that Logan was beginning to like it. Carlos was a natural; his lips fit into the correct place, their tongues agreed, and things felt right.

Different than when he would kiss Kendall.

This caused him to break, pushing Carlos off quickly. His eyes looked flustered.

Carlos eyed his friend curiously, "...so?"

"You did... you did _great_. Okay? Now go get James." He pushed Logan into Kendall's living room from the hallway nearby. He secretly surveyed, watching Carlos and James laugh about something silly either said. With every word that Carlos said, Logan felt his heart twitch, and for no reason, it hurt a bit.

He muttered to himself, "Carlos."

"Don't think I didn't see that." Kendall barked from behind. There was anger in his tone, something scary. Logan turned quickly to begin explaining, although doing a horrible job.

"_Kendall, I was just- Carlos and I were only trying to- how long were you standing there?" _

"I don't think it matters now." Kendall growled, passing him to run into his room, a slam following the booms on the steps. To himself, through his cries, he muttered, "_None _of it matters now."

Logan stood idly, feeling the air around him tighten and the world around him chaotically spin out of control.

The world seemed to do that when those four were together.

After James's movie had ended, and Carlos had justly fallen asleep on his shoulder, James gently plopped his friend on the now empty space on the sofa after stretching and tiredly walking down Kendall's hallway. He then hiked up the staircase with a slow pace, then a few steps later, entering Kendall's room to find where he and Logan were. Funnily, it was a lone Kendall, hugging his pillow, and jumping at the appearance of James. He fumbled to wipe away his tears, and welcomed James in.

"Kendall?" James sat next to him, back against the corner of the wall. He had a good view of his friend's face, no matter how much Kendall dilated his neck to hide his puffy eyes and cover up the sniffles he had.

"H-hey, James." He said. "What's up?"

"Nothing." James said in a sing-song voice. "Just wondering why you're all. Emotional."

"I'm not emotional! Who's emotional? _Not me!_" Kendall's phony happiness made James hurt a little inside.

"If there's something bothering you, just tell me, Ken. We're best friends. You can tell me anything." James didn't hesitate to look Kendall dead in the eye and shoot the truth out of him.

"You promise you won't laugh?"

"I _promise_." Kendall knew that James wasn't the one to back out on promises.

"I saw Logan kissing Carlos in the hall downstairs." Kendall uttered quickly.

James was a bit thrown. Carlos went and kissed Logan not even a few days after they shared a kiss on the mountaintop. Carlos appeared to be much of the whore lately. But the three knew well that Carlos was anything but a whore. When it came to romance, he was as clueless. But the make-out scene Kendall described had to have happened otherwise Kendall wouldn't have been crying. James could only muster, "Oh."

"Yeah." Kendall said with a heavy breath.

And James hadn't a clue how it happened, but the minute he scooted closer to give Kendall a comforting embrace, their lips had met. They became one with that long-running kiss. But when James let go, he instantly bolted for the door, yelling, "Hope you feel better, Kenny, see you tomorrow!" He walked quickly to jut Carlos awake, and the boys walked home, not a word to have been said.

And all the way, James was smiling uncontrollably.

* * *

_November 8, 2005_

_

* * *

_The four boys sat in James's house for breakfast.

The four boys sat _awkwardly _in James's house for breakfast.

James nipped at his grapefruit, letting miniature geysers spill out, none high enough to soak him or his friends. He couldn't help a smile that was tearing across his face, and so that he didn't look like a complete psychopath, he looked down, focused on the half-fruit on his plate. Trying hard to mask his happy mood was easy though, since nobody had any guts to talk. Any word could fill the room with mayhem within seconds. James had no problem with keeping his mouth shut. The kiss he shared with James was enough for him to keep shut for the rest of his life.

Logan, across from James, chewed at his Frosted Flakes slowly, constantly glancing at Kendall with gentle stares. Kendall hadn't even given him enough chance to explain the situation before he stormed into his room, leaving Logan a petrified statue that had to find a way to move again, only to find his feet taking him home a few hours too early. Being alone was the last thing on his mind that night, but it was the first thing he was going to get. He deserved it. Kissing Carlos? _Not _supposed to happen. Kissing Carlos _and liking it? _Absolutely _not supposed to happen._

Kendall knew damn well that Logan had a legitimate excuse for kissing Carlos in his hallway. He knew damn well Logan kept glancing at him, as well. He also knew damn well that James was a bit over-accelerated by the kiss they shared in the middle of the night. What he didn't know was why he couldn't pull himself to forgive Logan. He played with the eggs and bacon sitting on his plate, scattering the once orderly food that James's mother made for them.

Carlos inhaled his pancakes, stack by stack. The three admired him for his subtle ways of showing that he didn't care, much less know about what was going on. Carlos, too, decided to keep quiet, and since nobody laughed at his opening joke, he knew that he failed almost instantly. He didn't want any more egg on his face, in the metaphoric sense (because with Carlos, you never really knew.)

The boys walked to school together the brisk Minnesota morning whispering around their skin, Kendall and Carlos leading the way, and James and Logan trailing behind. The four knew that they'd have to stick together in this alliance for a little while. And they were okay with splitting off.

For now.

* * *

_November 13, 2005_

_

* * *

_Over time, Kendall began to speak with Logan again, but it was too soon to expect for things to return to normal. Over time, tutoring Carlos got awkward for Logan and the two did it less and less. Over time, James and Carlos stopped pranking and practical jokes, forcing James to sing his worries away and have his mind more focused and driven than it had ever been in his entire life. Over time, James kept bringing his music to Logan who eventually taught himself to play piano, and over time, Kendall and Carlos had been making hockey their whole entire life.

The few times they would meet were few week nights when Emily, Felicia, Katherine, and Jennifer decided to unite for a much needed night to themselves. They laughed away, sipping whiskey like hard Minnesota women, and watching the Vikings take another win. You could have mistaken them for beer-gutted, hairy gourd-men if they weren't so quick to return from their nightly raves and get back into shape.

On nights like them, Kendall and Logan would usually come outside to sit with them, gripping hands, and looking out at the stars. It was always a fun thing to do to watch their moms just fall to pieces with aw's and ooh's to watch their little boys in love. But not tonight. Tonight, James and Logan sat in Katie's room, letting the walls shake from their reckless jumping. Blasting rock music, James took the fake microphone and sung into it like a pop star. Logan air-guitared with bassist Katie, and the three had themselves a concert.

Admittedly, Logan had fun with James. The two had a nice thing going, and not even Katie was too "mature" to join her two brothers in a radio rock-out concert.

Eventually, the boys got tired, trudged downstairs, and sat themselves on the counters in the kitchen, still humming to the song that rung in their heads. They gulped down three glasses of orange juice, two for James, one for Logan, us usual, and they would watch Logan's nature documentaries, finally having Logan's turn to enjoy himself.

The documentaries never bored James, surprisingly, but after a while, he'd have fallen asleep from tiredness, with a best friend and a new set of facts in his head. Logan would have fallen asleep.

And typically, Carlos and Kendall would woot about whatever it was they decided to make a big deal about that night, and shake the two awake, with just enough time to head back to their houses, change, and fall asleep.

This went on until the beginning of Winter Break.

* * *

_December 14, 2005_

_

* * *

_Winter Break, and with enough money, Emily, Katherine, Jennifer, and Felicia had enough money to rent out a pair of suites with three rooms each at a beachfront resort in Hawaii. How they did it, the boys couldn't figure, but they figured that if they could pay for Emily Diamond and James Diamond, both with hair care expenses and picky attitudes, Katherine Knight with her fear of flying, Katie and Kendall, with their high demand for every fancy thing they saw, both Logan and Jennifer Mitchell, with their constant need to check health results on _everything_, Julian and Carlos Garcia (a fine all in themselves), and Felicia, then they could go on the trip and come out scot-free.

Maybe.

Landing on the warm beaches, Carlos anxiously dropped his bags and began a dart towards the white sand and the ocean water. The ocean was a marvel to him. But being restrained by Kendall, he urged him to pick up the rest of his bags, and go back into the suite given to them.

One room was for Felicia and Julian. The least spacious and cheapest room, but they took up little room, being a couple. Their room also was the farthest down the hall, for reasons that Emily, Jennifer, and Katherine would not explain to the boys. The boys thought it, but didn't dare say it out loud.

The next room was for the bachelorettes, Katherine, Emily, and Katie, a fairly large, two-bed suite, tailored with the modern look, a small kitchen adjacent from their living area, and a door leading into a bedroom with a pair of queen beds. One for Katherine and Katie, the other for Emily. The room was a saturated navy blue, the furniture an oak leather, and the smell reminded the four boys of the lingerie store they secretly enjoyed being inside. They knew it was much too girly for their tastes.

Their room, though, was identical. Even the smell was eau de lingerie shop. A small kitchen, stocked with small bags of chips and a stack of sandwiches, probably complimentary. On the fridge, a sign read, Made-To-Book: Food is stocked in refrigerators an hour before guests' expected time of arrival and replaced every two hours to ensure maximum freshness. Carlos marveled at this, and took a juice box and violently gulped it. It tasted that much better because it was complimentary. The living room, saturated navy, had a comfortable couch and two single-seats, the room set aglow by the open sliding door, leading out to a small balcony, where a pale white beach chair and a lone table stand.

There was a pair of beds in the other room.

Only two.

It was late, though, and the four had better things to do than to spend an angst-filled conversation about who slept where. The four fell asleep, completely oblivious to the fact that they weren't home. They were in a new, adventure-filled place.

* * *

_December 15, 2005_

_

* * *

_Kendall woke up that early morning clutching one of his friends.

He didn't know which, nor did he plan on finding out. Acting as if his eyes were glued shut, he made his way out of the bed, rubbing profusely until his eyelids stung, and slowly opened them after flopping around to find the couch. He didn't assume anybody was awake that morning. His sleeping partner certainly wasn't, and judging on the loud snoring emanating from the bedroom, he knew Carlos was asleep as well. Kendall didn't immediately hear the snoring, so he knew that he and Carlos weren't in the same bed.

He shook the though and took a glance outside to the opened blinds, behind it a large, glass sliding door, the pale white balcony, and beyond that, the Hawaiian beach.

Instead of indulging in it, as most teenagers would, he waited.

_Why?_ He had no idea.

It took about ten minutes for Logan to wake up. "Morning." Logan guzzled a bottle of Sunny D and walked back into the bedroom, heading straight for the bathroom, most likely for a shower. It wasn't like Logan _not _to shower.

"I'm going in after you." Sang a new voice, the most beautiful of all four voices, James. Even in the morning, the tall brunette always had that same, sweet melody in the mere words he spoke.

Kendall rose lazily from the couch, breaking his stare-down with the television he never turned on.

"I'm after James." Carlos happily bounced passed Kendall, calling out to the rest of the boys.

"I'm last then." Kendall sighed. He figured he may as well have taken a shower. If Logan got up and wanted to take a shower, it meant it was going to be a normal day. If James wanted to get up and instantly hop into the bathroom, then James's hair would be looking best. But if Carlos wanted to wake up and take a shower, then that meant there was something going on. Why this early in the morning, Kendall didn't want to know.

Showering wouldn't have hurt.

After the four had become clean and ready for the heat of the sun, Logan proposed the four go to the beach that afternoon, to start their adventure off for the morning. They didn't know how early it was, but the sun had just peeked itself from below the flat ocean, and the beach just outside their small balcony was devoid of civilization.

In a word, it was beautiful.

After an hour of swimming people began to show up, though few. After the beach became popular again, they flocked back to their room, where Katie sat patiently, watching their television. It was nine in the morning when they walked in.

"Hey, Katie." The boys greeted, each entering their living room, wrapped in their towels damp.

"Hello." Her youthful voice sung. "Mommy says to get ready. We're going somewhere."

"Where?" Logan asked, as James darted for the bathroom the minute Katie uttered the words 'get ready.'

"To eat breakfast someplace. I don't know where, though."

"Okay, Katie." The boys chirped and began getting ready.

Breakfast was awkward. Kendall was forced to sit next to James and across from Logan, causing much friction between the table aside from their mothers and Katie. The boys liked it when they had their own table whenever they went to regal buffets like the one they were at now. A wide array of beautiful foods from all over the Asian culture was displayed before them, and each took a meal they would enjoy.

But nobody said anything.

Carlos knew that this awkward state had to end. It was way too long for best friends to be suffering a state like they were. Things seemed okay between he and James, or he and Kendall, or he and Logan, or whatever the case may have been, but on the inside, each of the boys had something important to hurt about.

Carlos knew it had to end.

That night, he concocted a plan, and he revised it over and over 'till he knew that even Logan would have been proud to have called it an idea.

But it came with a catch.

* * *

_December 16, 2005_

_

* * *

_Carlos knew he would get in some serious trouble for what the boys were doing somewhere along the road, but he made sure that no one would catch them and take evidence, he promised he wouldn't tell anybody, he remembered that the mothers were out doing the same as them, except legally, and he made sure Katie was sound in bed and the baby monitor was on full blast, nestled in the sand.

It was four in the morning, and the light of the moon reflected by the black ocean highlighted the boys' features. They had no warmth or fire, but they had never felt warmer in their whole entire lives.

They had no sense or inhibitions, but they had never felt happier.

And they had no conscious, but that only meant they could say anything they wanted, and whether or not they would remember was beyond them.

They were drinking.

At an age like theirs? Carlos knew he was in deep shit if they were caught. But he was drunk. He kept telling himself, _as if I care, as if I care._ Because he really didn't at the moment.

"So, guys." Carlos gulped, taking down his fourth beer. Since he was young, just two beers had him losing it, four was pushing it. "I'm gona ask this before I like. Barf. Or something." He snickered before saying, "Who do you like?"

"That's a funny question." Kendall laughed heartily, on his fifth beer. "So funny, funny Carlos. You're _funny._"

"I like Kendall, silly!" Logan groaned happily, falling to his back. "I love him forever."

"You don't love me?" Carlos was suddenly drastically upset. That was drunken emotions for you. "Why don't you love me, Logan, huh? I'm too stupid, huh?"

"But I like Kendall, too." James said, ready to puke.

"No, no, James, only I like Kendall, just me, okay?" Logan fell over on top of James, attempting to wrestle him, but failing, due to heavily fatigued muscles.

"No fair." The both of them were now lazily fumbling over each other.

Kendall and Carlos sat back and laughed. Remembering the plan quickly, Carlos shot up and announced. "I'm tired... let's go to sleep." He rubbed his eyes profusely. The boys, after a good five minutes of complaining, followed Carlos back to the house and fell on top of each other, two in one bed, two in the other. Kendall fell asleep with James, the both of them clutching each other tightly and making jokes about how gay they were being. Regardless of the jokes, they kept flirting until they both lay sprawled on top of each other. Logan and Carlos were quiet, falling asleep, they hands entwined.

Carlos was aiming to be held by James. Feeling his protection, his warmth. He wound up with Logan, the boy who never took a step without analyzing it first; in liking holding his hand, he felt confused.

Kendall was aiming to hold his Logan. Making sure he was safe, making sure he was forever his. Trying to fight the warmth he was getting from James, though, was tough.

James got what he wanted, getting Kendall all to himself, but the person he kept hearing at the back of his thoughts was Carlos, his youthful way of loving others.

Logan needed Kendall, he knew that much. He knew he needed to be squeezed by him, to be the thing he held precious and dear. But holding hands with Carlos, being his equal, his counterpart, his perfect opposite, felt completely okay.

They all felt okay.

Whether they remembered it in the morning didn't matter, because even after the pain and heartbreak, they felt okay, even just for now.

* * *

**Warning: **This chapter contains underage drinking and bad things that aren't good, making the bad. You've been warned.

**A/N: **Ooh, fortifying symbols of derivative controversy and utmost affection! Kissy-kissy-goo-goo stuff! Sorry if it's a bit twisted and complicated, and Hawaii totally came out of nowhere, right? I write when I'm drowsy and am running off of lack of attentiveness. I'm much too lazy to do editing and revising. I should get a beta-reader buddy and have he/she look it over before I publish.

Oh, and I'm still tallying votes for couples, and they're still totally open-ended, so keep giving me input, baby dolls! I love you guys for reviewing, okay? I love you. I really do. Because of your kind words, I am inspired to fight on against the evils of writer's block and get to this storyline soon after homework. I love you all, again.

By the way, I'm all about plot twists. So delete all assumptions now because they may or may not come true. Just sayin'.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Big Time Rush, nor its characters. Nor anything familiar or copyright-infringement-compatible you see in this fanfiction.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Perfectly In Between

* * *

_December 25, 2005_

_

* * *

_Christmas Day.

Since as long as Kendall could recall, he had spent Christmas with these same boys. Carlos would, typically, get his favorite present of all, the Christmas Eve dinner leftovers, and start his breakfast by gobbling up half of the entire meal. Logan would sit patiently on the couch while his mother set out a plate of breakfast that Carlos hadn't already consumed, as he nibbled on the leftovers and watched the Saturday morning cartoons. James and Kendall would sit together on the floor, watching the presents carefully and holding their own up to the light. Kendall wanted to open each and every one of his so badly, he swore he could already see through the wrapping. Their mothers, though, made it a point that they eat, like Carlos and Logan were.

So, the family all sat in Kendall's home, like always, watching Saturday morning cartoons. After all plates were devoid of leftovers, and the sink was piled high with dirty dishes, the group all sat and exchanged gifts.

After a while, Kendall finally retreated to his room to find new places for his gifts. He lay back down on his bed, suddenly feeling tired. Why, he had no idea. He had gotten his night's rest. But there he lay, panting slowly from fatigue, ready to return back to bed. But before he could do that, his three friends rush in, bouncing with happiness.

"I'm tired." Kendall attempted to get his friends out. His friends, though, took it as a mere obvious announcement from the mind of Kendall.

"Scoot." Logan sat down on his bed, as Kendall roll over to turn his back to his paler brother. Logan lay down, watching Carlos and James as they read a large book about ecology that Logan got his mom to get for Carlos. He remembered Carlos's fascination with the animals in the book when the two had first become friends. Carlos was telling James everything Logan had told him, and Logan found that the way Carlos retained almost everything he taught him made him feel appreciated.

After a while, Logan had drifted off to sleep, following Kendall's lead. Falling to the majority, Carlos and James had slept on the floor.

But something bustling downstairs had shaken the boys awake once more, the moment being suddenly broken.

"Logan! Hon!" Jennifer called down with a nervous tone. Logan lazily flung himself down the stairs, meeting the gaze of his mother, standing beside a youthful girl and a boy who looked eerily like himself, both about his age, possibly younger. "Hey, babe."

"Who's this?" He asked, somewhat crassly, sleep taking over most of his attitude.

"This, hon, is, uh, Rebbecca and David."

Rebbecca was pretty, familiar. Logan couldn't pull himself to be attracted to her. "Hi, Rebecca." Logan looked at his mother with an incomplete glare. "Is that all?"

"No, hon. Um. Becca and Davie here... they're your, Logan."

* * *

_December 26, 2005  
_

_

* * *

_At first, Logan reacted with a, "whoa, what?"

Then, after things calmed down, and Davie and Becca were welcomed in with open arms, Logan began asking the serious questions. Becca looked a bit like himself, pale and short, black her, though her's not trimmed. Her's was long and silky, the color of nighttime, and she had the same nervous look Logan would always carry when meeting new people. David, on the other hand, totally kept quiet, as if ferociously unaware that people wanted to speak with him. Logan could tell both were as intelligent as he, as she pulled out a small almanac from her sundress pocket, and showed it to her brother. The two minded each other like they've just met. She read it profusely so that she didn't have to make eye-contact with the others.

"When did you have them?" Logan asked, as Katie and Carlos took Becca and Davie upstairs, Kendall and James at the Mitchell household, prepping their extra room for the two's arrival.

"You're triplets." Jennifer said in a low voice.

"We're triplets? We're triplets! _My brother and sister was born with me_. And I had no idea. Of course!" Sarcasm flooded his tone.

"Logan, I couldn't keep them."

"_Why not?_"

"If I kept them, they would have died. People were after me, remember, hon?"

"You couldn't, _I don't know_, leave them with _me_? Kendall and I would have looked out for them, what, you don't trust me?"

"I had to make sure you three were separated to make sure you two were safe. The farther you three were away, the farther those people would have to look. I had to make sure you two were _safe_."

"Why'd you keep me 'till I was four, then? Why not Becca? Or Davie?"

"When Becca was four, she was with your father, and Davie with your aunt Carrie. You know we were separated long before you three were born. When I got in danger, your father gave them back to me, and I gave them to a foster family, one for each. Okay?"

"Why'd he give her back?"

"He said that Becca linked her to me, and we couldn't be linked."

"So he valued his life more than his own children's."

"Yes, hon."

"I hate that man."

"I do, too, babe." Jennifer took Logan into a hug, tightening her grip, and letting Logan slightly whimper in her shoulder. "I'm sorry for not telling you about them. You three would have been so good to each other. You're all exactly alike; so smart. So curious. You want to find out the world's mysteries."

"Can I... can I see them?"

"Yeah. Go ahead, hon."

Logan stood up quickly, and darted for the steps. He ran into Katie's room to get to know Becca and Davie more, lots of hopes filling his thoughts. A new sister and brother changed things, and whether they fought a lot in the future or not. Logan suddenly knew that he loved them, and the three would look out for each other from then on. Bursting through the door, he walked in on Carlos and Becca, Katie not in her own, carnation room. The more atrocious sight was Carlos and Becca, their lips together, and Logan looking at the two's unity, horrified. He instantly stepped out, and ran outside, leaving everybody in his dust. He didn't even want to begin to think about who Davie was kissing. He could hear Carlos calling after him, but he disregarded anything.

His best friend and his sister kissing? It all felt too One Tree Hill for him, and as he tore down the sidewalk, he came across James and Kendall, who walked, laughing, maybe about a cheesy joke on James's part. Reading the distress on their smaller companion's face, the two became worried. "Logan? What's the matter?" James asked.

"Can we go to your house?" Logan asked the oaken-haired boy.

"Sure, kiddo. _Why_?" James nodded seriously.

"Just us? We can get Carlos and Becca and Davie, you know." Kendall suggested.

"No. We can't."

"Why not?"

"Carlos and Becca are too busy kissing. And who knows where the fuck Davie ran to."

The pair of boys instantly asked, awed. "What?"

"James! Can we please just go to your house, now?"

Instantly, the three darted down the street, towards the Diamond household, and Logan had a lot of questions to ask, with none of the right people to answer.

* * *

_December 27, 2005_

_

* * *

_Logan and Kendall didn't go home, nor did they want to.

Logan couldn't confront his sister and Carlos without wanting to punch both in the face. For what reason, he had no idea. It happened on all the teen dramas all the time; boy kisses sister of friend, friend freaks out for a while, then forgives best friend. But somehow, Logan couldn't pull himself to forgive anybody. He just wanted to be with Kendall and James.

Kendall didn't want to go home. He didn't mind being with James, acting like a parent alongside him. And he didn't mind telling Logan that this would all blow over in the morning and that he looked best when he was sad, at the expense of his tears. He didn't mind wiping them away with his hand, and taking him into a hug, James doing the same.

James was home. But whether Logan wanted to hang out in his house or in the icecaps of the North Pole, James would have taken him there.

Meanwhile, back at his own home, Carlos sat alone. He'd kissed two Mitchells and one Diamond during the course of his lip-tasting career, but by far, kissing Becca may have been a mistake. As big a mistake it was, though, the only thing he regretted was hurting Logan. Kissing Becca felt right. Becca was innocent and quiet when they kissed, afraid and not willing to take a leap. But she took the leap for Carlos. The last time Carlos had felt somebody take a leap for him was when Logan kissed him in the hallway. Kendall wasn't too happy, and Carlos figured it was karma.

But then, Carlos realized the real reason he had kissed Becca and enjoyed it.

Logan and Rebbecca were the exact same person.

With that thought, he bolted out of his house, and ran towards the end of the block, where James lived. But just before he did, he came across the Mitchell household. From across the street, you could see both houses, and Carlos placed himself perfectly in between. You could see Becca's silhouette in the window, stripping off a shirt. Carlos was instantly pulled to stare, but to the other side, Logan's silhouette in the window doing the exact same. Who to choose, Carlos couldn't pick, and he leaned his back against the wall behind him, staring back and forth.

Why he found it so hard to leap in without thinking, he didn't know. He was usually so good at this.

But he knew that he couldn't leap into this one without landing on somebody's heart.

* * *

_December 28, 2005_

_

* * *

_

Carlos ended up staying at home that night.

He walked back in a sulk_, _then fell asleep, only to wake up and walk by himself around town, taking in a slow day. He knew he couldn't go to anybody but his friends with his situation, but Logan had already gotten to them. So for the time being, Carlos was alone with his thoughts. He couldn't go to Becca, not without doing again what had caused everything, and he didn't want Logan to walk in, catch them once more, and hate them twice as much as he did already.

He decided that there was only one place to go.

Logan finally decided to walk home, gulping down as much awkward as he could before he was confronted by his sister. Entering, he walked into the house slowly and calmly, hoping not to make any noise that would wake his mother or his twin. Walking into the kitchen, then the fridge, he quietly took bottle of water, and found the steps once more. Making his way up to his room, he opened the door to find a big surprise. There was Carlos, laying quietly asleep on Logan's bed, the window still propped open. You could see where Logan had come inside, a small trail of items toppled unto his floor.

At first, Logan decided that he pick up Carlos and throw him out of the window from where he came, but taking a second look at Carlos's calm face. All he could say was forgiveness.

"Don't worry." Becca suddenly whispered in his ear. "He's yours."

Logan spun on his heels, confronting his sister. "_He's what?_"

"_Yours_. You can have him back."

"Carlos was mine in the first place." Logan muttered. At that, Becca took his brother into her arms.

She whispered, "but I stole him. And I'm sorry. You can have him back."

Upon apologizing, Logan hugged his sister back, and soon after, she left. Logan noticed a can of pink paint and letter stencils in her grip. Becca was apparently the type to get things done, and Logan appreciated that about her. He soon entered his room, only to fall asleep. He remembered telling Carlos, before he drifted off, "you kissed her because she's just like me. Right?"

Though Carlos didn't answer, Logan knew the answer was yes.

* * *

_December 31, 2005_

_

* * *

_The family took yet _another _vacation for New Year's.

Unlike Hawaii, though, their quick flight to Las Vegas wasn't as well-planned. It happened on a weekend, where their mothers decided to call up one of the prominent, neon-lit hotel resorts, rent out a regal room, and all welcome in the New Year in the City of Sin. Being twelve years old, Carlos, James, Logan, Kendall, Davie, and Rebbecca stormed the resort they stayed at, enjoying each other's presence; the resort was easy to take in visually. There was an atrium nestled in the center of the lower floor of the resort, adorned with actual plants, growing tall, towering trees and professionally-made decorations, a wall of falling water balancing the atmosphere out. Rebbecca was becoming the group's go-to girl, and Davie becoming the quiet, but overall pleasant boy. The two fit in perfectly, the laughter shared in their time at the resort being proof.

They soon divided into groups, having been bored with a good twenty dollars each, and no parental supervision.

Becca and James took to the forum shops, beginning to peruse the fancy clothes, looking at what they could buy. The only thing twenty bucks would buy, though, was most likely a pair of designer socks. Davie ditched the whole group to sit in the local bookstore to catch a few good reads by himself. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos decided to pool their money and eat, by Carlos's demand. It was a diner they sat at, offering burgers, but they were quality, yet not over-expensive.

Sitting in the diner was nice. There were finely-dressed waiters and manicured topiary plants decorating the room, yet they served oily burgers and heavy plates topped with exotic vegetables.

The three sat at a comfortable booth in the corner of the restaurant, Logan sitting perfectly in between.

Both boys couldn't stop eyeballing him.

Kendall knew that Logan and Carlos had fixed things, and upon hearing that the two had made up in an almost romantic way, Kendall sprung into action, almost ready to defend Logan from whatever foolish thing Carlos felt like doing. Suddenly, Carlos was a danger to him. Carlos became almost poisonous, deadly lethal. Kendall stepped in to guard the paler boy that day, "the best choice is the burgers, Logie." Kendall urged the picture in the menu toward his friend.

Carlos noticed that Kendall had begun his advances that have been put on hold once more. Carlos suddenly began seeing Kendall as a life-sucker, taking all of Logan's happiness, ruining his chances of having a bit of pure, wholesome fun. He became the most negative man on Earth, making sure Logan had no say in every step he took. "No, you should have the hot dog, Logie. It's much... funnier."

"Do you know what's _in _a hot dog, Logie?" Logan gave no response to Kendall's sudden protection. "Exactly, you don't. None of us do. Let's not take a risk."

"But a burger is so... boring. A hot dog is fun. You can add your own flavor to it, and-"

"Burgers are a classic. Don't ditch a classic, Logie."

"Everything's already on a burger, Logie, it's a hard-set meal. With a hot dog, you can add in ketchup if you want, mustard if you want. Onions. If you want."

"That's a lot of effort, Logie. Why do you want to put in so much effort for something that won't even taste that good?"

"What have you got against hot dogs, Kendall? They're _just hot dogs._"

"I could ask you the same thing about burgers. What's so wrong with a burger, anyway, Carlos?"

"I never said anything was wrong with a burger! I just said hot dogs were better!"

"How can you think burgers are worse than hot dogs? Burgers are totally better!"

The two were borderline screaming at this point, most of the restaurant giving them an odd stare. Logan soon stepped in, "guys, guys! Calm down!"

"But-" the two tried to fight.

"I'm having the _pizza_. Okay? Pizza's good."

Carlos and Kendall exchanged a frustrated look, then broke the tension by sighing and crossing their arms. They leaned their backs against the booth, staring angrily at nothing whatsoever. "Me too." They both said at once.

Logan began to think, _hot dog and burger get so caught up in their own stupid condiments they forget that ketchup doesn't go with pizza._ The metaphor Logan was trying to convey to himself confused even him.

Logan muttered angrily, "make it to go, please."

* * *

_January 1, 2006_

_

* * *

_The lights showered Las Vegas in color, filling in whatever the lights from the regular strip neon missed. All of Las Vegas Boulevard was stopped, like Times Square in New York, to fill with screaming alcoholics and partying teenagers, sitting, standing, wandering along the long mile of pure bittersweet beauty, the stars in the sky practically invisible.

Who needed them when all the light you needed was at your level?

Looking out at the strip of road before them, flooded with people, the boys were standing upon the low roof of a outdoor-cafe. Becca had gone with the mothers to have a nice time with the girls as they walked on the road the four boys looked out upon, downing sodas and screaming in happiness, while Davie promised himself he would watch the fireworks after finishing the book he was reading in the suite of the hotel.

Kendall swore he heard his mother shriek from the balcony he stood on. Feeling the comforting cool breeze wall him in the face, Kendall took it in as best as he could. He only wore a hoodie, because though Las Vegas winters were cold, this was a summer block party compared to small-town Minnesota's winters.

The three boys stood at one another's side, hearing the crowd scream and cheer happily, watching the local band lash out riffs and tunes. James instantly learned the melody and sung along within seconds of hearing the song. Logan stood at Carlos's side, though keeping a focused eye out on the blank, midnight sky. Carlos was smiling up at James, telling him a story as the taller boy sung. Kendall overheard the conversation and continually laughed at Carlos's hilarious anecdote.

James felt caught in between two. At one side, Carlos was making him laugh. Keeping his mind on the ball. He knew he didn't want to think when he payed attention to Carlos, just jump in and skip along the road happily. But Kendall, keeping quiet, but giving them nods in attention every few seconds, James was perplexed. He didn't know which to choose.

And as the countdown begun, the boys chanted their numbers.

"Four!" Logan called into the air, raising up a number four with his fingers in the air.

"Three!" Carlos followed, raising up his number three.

"Two!" James shouted, his voice no longer a song in the other boys' ears.

"One!" Kendall ended, hearing the crowd roar.

The boys jumped in success, held each other with happiness and love, having dominated another full year with one another. But each had a tough mindset, despite their beaming faces and elated hearts.

Kendall was being watched over James with a spoiled eye, James showering him in care and affection, giving him appreciation and somebody to lean on when he wasn't strong enough, yet Logan, kept his arms wrapped around Kendall's heart, whispering beautiful requests to it. Logan sat in between Carlos, his polar opposite, the boy who gave him excitement, and Kendall, who gave him security and protection. James was caught in between his partner in crime, his forevermore other half, Carlos, and the boy who he held the heard of on a pedestal, wishing to pamper it and make it safe from everything. Carlos, on the last note, was caught in between his intellectual stimulant, the acid to his base, Logan, and the fire to his inferno, James; one he idolized, the other he worshiped.

And the boys were caught perfectly in between.

* * *

_January 2, 2006_

_

* * *

_Problems began to get highlighted along the drive home, at a ruddy Motel 6.

In a pool at the Motel 6, the boys sat in the jacuzzi late at night, Becca, Davie, and Katie had fallen asleep, while their mothers had left for the night to a pub where the game was on. The boys had a free night to themselves, like they craved to have constantly, and they sat together, feeling the cold hug their upper body, only to be countered by the warm encasing their lower. They each took a rounded corner in the hot tub, all trying to sleep under the perfect conditions.

But none could help but feel like they were being watched by one another, even in the actuality, they all had their eyes under their lids.

They didn't know where they were, or where it came from, but suddenly, it began to drizzle snow, a partial slush showering the boys eyes. From this all, Carlos began to giggle. Profusely, his happiness became. James began to pick up on it, giggling, then Kendall, then Logan. It was the first time they were truly, completely, unconditionally happy in the longest of times.

After the laughter, Carlos calmed and began asking, "why is it so hard to laugh with you guys lately?"

"Why do you ask so many... thought-provoking questions?" Kendall retaliated.

"Is it _wrong _that I want us to be completely happy?"

"I don't think any of us know what we want at this point." Logan looked down at the bubbles rumbling the water in the tub.

Silence.

James suddenly yawned. "Well. I know what I want."

Kendall and Carlos suddenly sat up, almost showing a bit of hopefulness in their actions.

James continued, "I want to head to bed. G'night."

He shook himself out of the jacuzzi, and they all went to bed, soon after James. Bed was probably the only thing they were sure they wanted at this point.

* * *

_January 4, 2006_

_

* * *

_The boys made it home with nothing broken but their hearts, nothing said for a full two days. Logan focused on his almanac, jotting down various scribbles and words upon the small pocket book. Carlos spent his time in the car staring at the various sites that passed by, and if the passing scene got a bit too boring, he would sleep it away, and Katie would wake him whenever something interesting made its mark. James listened to music and was jotting down song ideas, scribbling a few drawings, as well. Kendall was asleep most of the time, but when he wasn't, he was speaking with Becca or Davie; the boys had gotten close to the pair and began calling them the honorary members of their group. Though Becca was a bit misunderstood, being a girl, the boys couldn't shake her from their dislike, and Davie was a bit distanced from the rest of the humans in the world, but the boys still made it a point to make Davie feel like one of them.

They wondered for them both. Wondered how they'd work in school, who they'd meet, what sports they would play.

With Winter Break ending soon, James decided he would accompany Becca to go shopping. Maybe she would be able to comfort him in his trying time.

The pair entered a store as James began sparking conversation. "So, Becca. You're like Logan, right?"

Looking through dresses, Becca gave James a peculiar face. "I should be. We were wombmates for a good nine months."

"So. You could tell me why Kendall likes him so much?"

"Well..." Becca's voice grew long. "I'm not really at any perspective to see why Kendall is in love with my brother."

"Well, why do guys like _you_?"

Becca laughed, "If only I knew." James went blank, and she instantly picked his feelings up by saying, "I guess I'm kind of... more on the innocent side. You know me, I'm really hesitant to do anything out of my comfort zone, like Logan. I see the way Kendall makes him feel safe, brings that calm smile to his face."

James looked up, "So Kendall's protecting Logan."

"In a way, yeah." Becca pulled out a yellow frilled blouse from the rack. "This look good?"

"Nah, you'll look like a daffodil."

"I like daffodils." She put it back anyway, heading for a purple scarf. "So, are you going for Kendall?"

"Since when we were, like. Ten."

"How cute."

"The thing is, it's hard for me to choose."

"Choose?"

"Carlos."

"Carlos? You like Carlos, too."

"_I guess_."

"Well, _what_, James?" Becca walked the two over to the jeans rack. "I can't choose for you. You gotta follow your heart, big guy."

"I know, I know, but I could use a bit of input."

"Alright, well, boys are easy to break down."

"Don't insult us."

"You are!" She giggled. "Carlos is fun, he'll make you laugh until your sides hurt, and give you the funnest time of your life."

"_Funnest _is not a word."

"Kendall, on the other hand, will make sure you're safe, make sure that you're making a decision that's best for you."

"So _basically_..."

"You're screwed." Becca laughed.

* * *

_January 6, 2006_

_

* * *

_Davie and Carlos decided to live the moment up before school started the next day.

As a result, they wanted to have a camp-out in the forest, complete with a pit of fire, marshmallows, and ghost stories. They would stay up until midnight became present and head home in a daze if they ever had enough tolerance to stand back up from their comfortable chairs. But for now, they had to prepare.

Digging a small ditch, Davie and Carlos bonded with a talk.

"Hey, Dave." Carlos began awkwardly. "You're like your brother, right?"

"Quieter, sure." Dave said, "we look exactly alike, though, even I can see it."

"Spitting image."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well... I kissed your brother before."

"_And _my sister? I'm the only one left."

"I'm game." Carlos laughed heartily.

"I was kidding, Carlitos. I don't swing that way."

"So was I, calm down, so was I."

"Anyway."

"Yeah, so your brother and I kissed."

"Dude, stop repeating it. It's not really the prettiest image in my head."

"But I guess I like him."

"I can see we're being serious..."

"Tell me what he likes."

"Oh, _god_, kid."

"What happened to being _serious_?" Carlos smiled nervously, pelting Davie with a handful of dirt.

"Alright, alright. My bad." Davie began, "I haven't known Logan as long as you have, but if he's anything like _me_, then he needs someone to both keep him safe and show him the fun in everything at the same time. You and I both know you're not that safe, but you're sure as hell fun."

"Thanks." Carlos chuckled. "I guess Kendall could help him with the safe part. But Logan has so much potential. If only he was more optimistic and ready to just leap."

"But consider this: when Logan's heart breaks, it shatters into a million pieces. It's not like yours that only breaks in half and can be taped back up with a bit of effort."

"What about James?"

"What _about _James?"

"Should I pick James instead of Logan?"

"You like James, too?"

"Spare me the name-calling, please."

"Alright, Carlos, well James is a good catch. He's your partner. He's you in another life, I swear he is."

"So should I pick him?"

"Don't ask _me, _Carlitos. Ask yourself."

"I'm not exactly the best at making decisions."

"Hey, you've got some good ideas sometimes." Davie smiled. "And if you listen to your heart, sometimes, it won't matter how much the fall hurts because you've got the one person that can heal you in a heartbeat."

* * *

_January 7, 2006_

_

* * *

_It was midnight.

In seven hours, the six kids would be in school.

But for now, they were under the spell of the night. The fire flickered in the center of the kids' sight, the orange color flushing their skin, and blending with the blue of the night. Rebbecca proved to be a pyromaniac, her eyes captured in the pit of the fire, and long after her marshmallow had imploded, she held her stick in the fire longer. Davie tried to stay awake, but as he watched the stars, they continually told him that maybe sleeping wasn't so bad. The four boys were doing what they did best: singing.

The only one who was serious about music was James, but the four liked singing anyway. Not in front of others, besides each other, but they sang the night away anyway. The world was at harmony as their voices slurred together in a beautiful mess.

It was midnight.

But they didn't care.

* * *

**A/N: **Rebbecca Mitchell and David Mitchell are based off of my cousin's brother and sister, who yes, did show up out of nowhere when I was six years old. Like I said, this story is loosely based off of my family's situation. Yes, I know. So that means that even though this may not have been the most productive and/or romantic chapter, it means a lot to both me and the story. So if you review, do it delicately. No, my cousins are not in love with each other, though (because I have my brother, who is equivalent to Kendall, and my three cousins, equivalent to the other three of Big Time Rush.) This would be called incest. Oh, and about the couples, this totally ruins your expectations, doesn't it? They're not doing anything yet, except wondering who to choose... who knows where they'll go? I'm a meanie like that. Stay on your toes, folks! I love you guys, though. Your support helps plenty.

I apologize now for any spelling/grammar/editing errors. They are probably small, but annoying, and they are there, and I'm sorry for them now. I have yet to find a beta-reader to help me out.

On a casual note, were you guys watching the live webcam show that the boys put on tonight? I sadly missed it... I literally got home, found that they were online, got on the computer five minutes later, only to find out that Carlos tweeted, "Thanks for watching!" I fail so, so hard tonight, it's unbelievable.

I love you guys, again.

**Disclaimer: **Rebbecca Mitchell, David Mitchell, Jennifer Mitchell, Emily Diamond, Felicia Garcia, Julian Garcia, and the storyline belong to me.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Lit**  
**

* * *

_January 8, 2006_

_

* * *

_

School.

Five boys, one girl. At school.

_Who'da thunk it, right?_

You could see Kendalls by the mile, all the same boy; straddling sport equipment, straight-cut jeans, tee shirts. All of which collaborated together in a destructive manner, lots of fighting or stupidity, lots of immaturity. One Kendall to Logan was handled, in fact, quite lovable, but ten to twenty would be a war zone of testosterone and blissful unawareness of their own idiocy. They tackled and kicked, cussed and argued, and that was to each other; Logan would hate to be one of their enemies.

You could find Logans milling about, innocently speaking with one another, some attempting to ruminate their losses on their role-play games, others of mathematics and logistics, some working hastily on the homework of the Kendalls. Either way, they didn't look like they stirred much attention, and Carlos eyed them with great suspicion. They looked judgmental and stuck-up, like a person out of their intellectual level would be instantly downgraded and taken down. Fear almost spilled out of Carlos's eyes, then he looked at his friend, Logan. The fear went away.

You could definitely watch the Jameses for a good hour, each of which open and bouncy, some too snooty to speak, others too snooty not to speak. Hair, appearance, looks, they adjusted every millisecond, and millisecond after millisecond, Kendall was beginning to turn his head. A lone wolf James was a performer, a star. But all these stars ganged up in one, the brightness was much, much too intense. Not to mention the few with sparkles around their eyes.

You could see the Carloses, jumping off of every mellow situation into something ruptured and different, something new. You'd swear a few of them would have died by now, but they laughed and pranked on others as if there was no such thing as pain, no such thing as inhibitions. All was fine for them, nothing ever wrong, and they laughed and they laughed, and they laughed, and when Logan gave them a second look, he saw Carlos in there, crying, and nobody caring.

Becca and Davie marched off together with Jennifer to register as the new two, leaving the four veteran students to wander their school together. What the four didn't get was why didn't the groups of boys they saw together just mesh, one day?

Kendall figured it was time for them to make a stand.

But his friends had other ideas.

"A play?" James motioned to a banner, entitling auditions. He perked up when he read the words, "a _musical_?"

"_Science Festival_..." Logan ripped a pink flyer from a locker, reading.

Carlos watched an advertisement for the parkour team on the small television in the principal's office. "_That _looks interesting."

"This is going to be harder than I thought," Kendall sighed. Then he looked at a passing banner the other Kendalls were responsible of having the school cheer on. Instantly, Kendall snapped the attention of his group. "_Hockey team._"

* * *

_January 20, 2006_

_

* * *

_

First practice.

All four boys successfully made the team, as they stood in a line alongside many other jock-type boys. To all four boys, hockey came like a breeze. Growing up with Kendall made that inevitable.

"Alright, guys. Good hustle today." Coach dismissed the team, and the four boys headed into the locker room, sore and welted. Kendall was breathing with triumph, a smile plastered onto his visage. He was convinced the friendship he had with his boys wasn't about to break anytime soon, like the first day was thought to have promised.

The boys waited on the curb at night after getting their street clothes back on, waiting for Kendall's mother. James laid himself down on the sidewalk, knowing Kendall's mother was probably going to be late, especially how Kendall took her by surprise about the dates of practice. She was probably in the city picking up new school clothes for Katie who started hers in a day.

"What happens if your mom can't come?" Carlos asked with another one of his Hell-be-damned questions.

"She's coming. She _might _be an hour, but she's coming Carlitos, don't worry." Logan recalled what he had heard with Kendall on the phone.

"What if something happens to us before she gets here?" Another one.

"We've lived here all our lives." Kendall smiled. "The worst that happens is Brad comes and we get into a fight."

"And you know who'd win." James said through closed eyes and a low voice.

Then suddenly–

Bang!

"Guys, what was that?" Carlos panted, scared and paranoid.

"Shh." Logan listened for it once more, hushing his friend to get a closer look.

Bang!

"What _is _it, Logan?" Carlos was about to cry by now.

"It's probably a gun," Logan muttered, "and it's getting closer."

The four were suddenly on their feet, ready to run. Kendall asked with urgency, "well, where's it coming from?"

Bang!

"It's louder," Logan added. "From behind the school."

"_Then what would we do_?" James looked like Carlos, raw emotion sweating from their faces. The glimmering James became scared and alone, same with Carlos, a bright sun reduced to a lost puppy.

"Do we run?" Carlos asked quickly. "_I want to run_."

"What if somebody's _hurt_?" Kendall threw in.

"What if somebody's _psychotic_?" Logan also threw in.

Bang!

"Guys, it's getting closer!" Carlos squeezed James's wrist nearby his own. "Can we go, please? _Please._"

Bang!

"Kendall, don't go heroic on us." Logan tugged on Kendall's sleeve. "We're going to calmly and silently walk home, that's the plan, okay?"

Bang!

"People might _die_, Logan." Kendall insisted, "we have to at least check and help."

Bang!

"Those people might be _us_, Kendall! I _can't_ die, not now, not like this." James added with fret.

Bang!

But suddenly, a loud whizzing was sent up into the sky, then a dash of color, neon red. A firework. Logan added, "What the fuck..."

"I thought it was a gun, Logan." Carlos punched the paler brunette's arm, watching as the amount of bangs they heard matched the number of bright color in the air.

"Either way it's still dangerous. It's probably some kids." Logan scoffed, "I think it's in justice to go check on who they are now."

"_Thank you_." Kendall led the way into the gate of the field and back into the school grounds, creeping around the corner of the W building. The darkness was encroaching and the only spot open was a flaming fountain. In the field, they saw that a group of boys were dancing around the series of popping and flaring colors. It would have been beautiful, if it weren't for Brad and his drones dancing around like freak-shows. It would have been beautiful the four hadn't have been caught spying.

Instantly, Brad and his followers were tearing their way across towards the four, who had long made a dart for back around the school, to the front, and out the gate, into the street. Brad was fast, hiking up their trail with incredible speed. Logan should have known it was Brad in the first place, whether it had been a gun or not. Brad was the attention type, and not in the way like James. In the way that said, _look at me or else_. But here they ran, caught in their own impression, running from Brad.

Suddenly, one of Brad's clones popped so wrong of a mistake, that Brad had to stop and choke his friend out, leaving a whirring sound chasing the boys instead.

"They popped one at us, guys, hit the deck!" Logan called, heading for the brick wall and shielding his body into it. All four boys yelped in fear, but it was Carlos's leg that lit on fire that icy cold night.

It was Carlos that was scared out of hell, whipping around his leg. It was Carlos that was crying out of pain. It was James that was helping the boy get it out. It was Logan who jumped in to take off Carlos's pants to find his seared leg. It was Kendall that held Carlos in his arms and hugged him, promising that he'd live, that he knew it hurt like hell, but he would live.

It was James that successfully stamped the small fire out. It was Logan that tore off his shirt and jacket to wrap it around Carlos's burnt-crisp leg, which he knew stung in pain. And it was Kendall that made sure Carlos had something to claw on as the pain jumped into his core increasingly, at the same time trying to call 911, then his mother, then Felicia, then Emily, then Jennifer.

It was Brad that shot the firework, to the boys, that is.

And it wasn't a gun.

But it sure as hell hurt like one.

* * *

_January 21, 2006_

_

* * *

_Midnight, and the emergency clinic was in the city. It was ten at night_, _it took a half hour for the mothers to come dashing down the street, another hour for the paramedics to come, another hour to bring them to the city, where he was instantly treated for severe burns to his leg. What this meant for his hockey career he didn't want to think about.

Carlos had passed out in the car, but before he did, before he was loaded unto the gurney and into the ambulance, he had to make a choice. He continually kept dreaming about it in his half-asleep state.

_"We can only take one more person unto the back of the car." Felicia and Julian sat, tightly clutching Carlos's hand with trepidation. The young boy was about to pass out from lack of energy, and wishing to escape from the pain. The paramedic was looking through the eyes fixated on him, wondering who would speak up._

_Carlos knew he had to make a decision. If he picked any of the mothers, that would leave Kendall to fend for both Katie, himself, and the other missing sibling. If he picked Becca or Davie, then Logan and Davie wouldn't have their unit. If he picked Kendall, Katie would need to cling to Becca, who was already clinging to her brothers like it was her business. _

_"James." Carlos chose, not thinking about the logic he just laid out for himself. "James..."_

_James suddenly went wide-eyed. "Yeah. Totally." _

_James didn't want to leave Kendall, Carlos could see it in the eyes of the chestnut-haired boy, but James didn't deny it._

Now that he was waking up, he remembered the interior of the ambulance in a matter of seconds. He had been in one so many times; it was different now, though. James was asleep on one side of Carlos, and on the other, mom and dad. He was glad they were there with him. His leg had gone completely numb now, and he didn't have enough strength to look down at the swollen thing.

He saw a tag tied around his wrist, reading it to himself out loud, "partially severe second-degree burns." His voice sounded like he was crying with it for the longest time, and he was surprised that it was his.

"You're lucky your friends got your pants off you quick as they did." The paramedic uttered. He looked painfully familiar.

"I am?" Carlos asked, watching the man with wondering eyes.

"Thank them when you see them."

"I will," Carlos promised, "I do."

"Good kid."

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Carlos inquired. "I feel like I do."

"You do."

"Do I?"

"I think you do. But it's your call, Carlos."

"Stop messing with me," Carlos demanded quietly, laughing playfully.

"Alright, alright." The paramedic raised his hands and gave up his Yoda game. "You were five and was molested. I treated you."

Carlos's face instantly brightened, "It's you." Carlos was on the verge of bursting out of his gurney to hug the man, but whenever he felt he wanted to, he was in pain. He'd hug the man one of these days, he promised himself.

"_Guilty_."

"So, Mr. Paramedic, sir," Carlos knew he respected this man, like another father, "do you work in Minnesota now?"

"In the city, yeah. I'll be in town whenever somebody needs me."

"Are you stalking me?" Carlos laughed.

"I can say that you were one of the reasons I moved out here," the paramedic said, "but not my sole reason. I had family out here."

"_Me_?"

"You were my first treatment as a real doctor. I did well, didn't I?"

"How ever you think an ass should be treated, big guy."

The two shared a laugh until the doctor finally proclaimed, "but yeah, you mean a lot to me, kiddo. I had to find you again."

"Great job finding a best friend in some random patient." Carlos joked. "You are _so _a stalker."

"Hey, I was trying my luck when I moved out to Minnesota to meet with my family. Finding you is just a bonus."

"So this is _the _night, then?"

"I guess it is."

"I never learned your name."

"You can call me Kyle."

"Hi, Kyle."

"Hi, Carlos."

And the ambulance pulled into the lot, and luckily, they got in enough treatment onto Carlos's leg to suppress its pain and bleeding before they got into the E.R.

* * *

_January 27, 2006_

_

* * *

_Carlos underwent approximately a week of pure surgery and pain, and never have the family held their breath as much as they did, with so much stress and pressure, as they did at the moment they waited in the hospital for Carlos to be released. He came out slowly, adjusting to his crutches, but he seemed to have gotten the hang of it fast, and the family could tell he lost a lot of his tan during his time paled out in the hospital room. Fear did that to a person's blood, made it hide.

His crutches made a small mechanical metal clank every step Carlos took, and he knew that it would get old, but as he emerged with a nurse, he looked out at his family with a guilty smile.

"Hi." He greeted, not having a definition to the look his family was giving him.

His best friends came bounding up first, giving him all his attention. Kendall swooped in to wrap his arm around his shoulder as they made their way utterly slowly through the room. Logan had to carry all his schoolwork and assignments, so he had his hands full, and James continually gave him glances of relief. Becca and Davie smiled and showed their affection. Then, the mothers began smothering him with questions, as he attempted to answer each one to the best of his ability.

They went home and let Carlos resume school. Logan promised he would help him with his school work until he got it done before the due date, so that evening, the two stayed over Logan's house, regardless of the impending weekday in the morning.

"You stink," Logan asked, then instantly lingered his eyes at Carlos's leg, "can you shower?"

"It's not burnt anymore, Logie, you can touch it if you want. It's just the protein fibers that need to produce before I have enough strength in the leg to walk again."

"I've taught you well," Logan smiled, "but if you can shower, then shower."

"I can take a bath."

"You can sit under the shower."

"_What?_"

"Don't take a bath. It's gross."

"It's all I've got left, unless you either want to wipe me down with a wash cloth."

"Ew," Logan then turned his Biology book, nonchalantly murmuring, "you really need to shower."

"Then hold me up, then. _Take me into the shower and hold me up._"

"But–"

"_Didn't think so._"

"_Fine._"

"Fine_ what_?"

"Fine. Get naked. We're going to take a shower."

"Logan, I was kidding."

"I'm not. Let's go," Logan stood up quickly, as Carlos gave him a look of pure dumbfounded questioning, "and let's hurry. I don't want your nastiness on my bed."

"Aw, come on, Logan. Can't you just... do the _wash cloth_... thing?"

Before Carlos could resist, Logan was supporting Carlos's back funnily, trying hard to resist from the hormones reacting in his body. He was way too young for this, but he'd rather be clean and pressed up against his best friend than be dirty and sleeping next to him. Things were totally off-limits for the two now. Logan knew what each of the boys looked like naked before, hockey practice and whatnot, but this close? _Awkward._

"Yeah, you're clean." Logan ensured, as he helped Carlos out of the shower and began soaping himself, wondering what it was that was taking over him when he held his best friend in the fashion that he did.

He was _way _too young for what he just did, he realized, and nothing really even happened besides a few hormones and some dishonest pre-foreplay among minors. No harm, right? Logan began scrubbing down whatever it was that he was feeling, then popped out to find Carlos out of the bathroom and in Logan's, possibly putting on his pajamas and returning back to their assignments.

He wondered what Kendall and James were doing.

* * *

_February 19, 2006_

_

* * *

_The school talent show came, and James being a candidate.

That far into the school year, everybody knew James had a passion for performing, and had a pair of golden vocal cords that, when they shook together harmoniously, created the sweetest music for the world to ever hear. Singing an old song, James danced onstage before his school, suddenly turning from the hockey star to the prime virtuoso singer. Kendall sat proud backstage, as James's so-called vocal coach. He practiced with James all the time and proved to be a good singer as well, enough to make James a bit jealous; but it was James onstage at the moment, and not Kendall.

All Kendall got satisfaction was from knowing he helped bring what James was dishing out to the school before his very eyes. He saw the carefully crafted art of James's voice mold into his liking. Carlos watched and smiled and marveled, his eyes set on James, his ears focused on the music. Carlos loved watching James perform; Carlos saw getting onstage as a big risk. What if he fell? What if his voice dropped? He'd be embarrassed into oblivion, and Carlos saw the risk James was taking from lashing out notes and dance moves simultaneously onstage. It was a risk Carlos wanted to take. He wanted to go up there and sing alongside him, but this was James's moment to shine. Carlos would get his later. Logan, next to Carlos, smiled at James, of course, proud of his work, but he paid too much attention to some of the barely noticeable mistakes James would make. The audience didn't seem to notice, but Logan did, and he knew that if he was up there, he'd realize the certain thing he was doing incorrectly and fix it before it became irritated and ruin the whole performance.

What was it about performing that had each of the boys just captivated? Coming out of nowhere, performing topped the excitement the four got by a long-shot. But like hell they'd tell anybody.

After the show, James placed second to a harpist, and he gladly took the silver trophy with pride. He admitted, "Angela was good with the harp. She deserved it. I wish I could play as well as she."

"Good sport," Kendall smiled admirably.

"You did great, James, so great. The harp was a good lullaby, but it was _yours _that shook me."

"Good point," James noted, "but Angela had just about one-hundred strings. I had a few bars. She practiced night and day, and hell yeah, so did I, but she must have had so much more to learn and to work for. I think she deserved it."

"Good sport," Kendall repeated, as they entered Emily's minivan and drove home from school that evening. The weekend was coming, and it was good that it was. The boys could stay at one of their houses and polish James's silver trophy till it blinded them and talk about life and admit secrets and listen to Carlos's thought-provoking questions, trying to answer them as best as possible.

"James, teach me how to sing well. I wana get on stage like you." Carlos asked, his heart jumping to his throat. Suddenly, each boy gave Carlos a very different kind of look.

"_What_?" Kendall scoffed. He was half intrigued at what James would say and do.

"I want to sing, too. I want to perform, too." Carlos smiled. He could practically see the lumps forming in his friends' throats, and he knew his was forming as well.

"O-kay..." James said curiously, as he began, "it's really pretty easy. I mean, we do it all the time. Just listen to the melody of the song you're listening to and sing along. The more you do it, the easier it gets. It gets even more fun, too."

"We should sing something right now." Carlos proclaimed with a bright smile. "Like we would on nights _just like this_."

Nobody said anything, until James finally cut in, "uh, sure. Your choice, Carlitos."

"Do you guys know that one song?" Carlos cleared his throat, "it goes, _do you remember the nights we..._"

James and Carlos harmonized together, "_stayed up just laughing, smiling for hours, at anything, remember the nights we drove around crazy... in love._"

The two couldn't help but laugh, as Logan played the song from his speakers on his computer_. _Before the boys knew it_, _the boys were singing together again on blue nights like the one they were having. They only ever sung on hopeful nights, beautiful nights, or scared nights, but this average, blue night sufficed. Carlos traced the burn marks, each of which rugged and heavy on his leg. Listening to the lyrics of the song each sang, a tear formed on his eye, and since enough protein built between the time he left the hospital and then, he could pull it to his chest and hug it.

He hadn't pulled off an intense risk since the time Brad popped the firework at his leg. He figured it was better this way, but the jumps gave his life purpose. He looked at the burn marks with dismay, tracing the rough outlines and dead skin, unable to grow back. It would be that way forever, ugly and horrid, textured and gross. He cried to himself resting his face on his knee, now up to his forehead, and began looking at his leg like he wanted to chop it off and never look at it ever again.

With that, Logan made his way slowly over to Carlos, and began recalling the night his leg turned that way because of one boy's mistake, one boy's stupid mistake. Wrapping Carlos around his arms, he held the smaller boy tightly, also beginning to cry for his best friend. Life was unfair to Carlos, Logan figured out. Kendall made his way to Carlos's other side, and leaned on him, also taking him into a warm hug, making sure Carlos was comforted. James followed, and the boys continued that night, crying instead of celebrating.

Carlos had Logan at his side, the boy who'd save his life. The boy who'd watch his back and know exactly what to do and where to go and he knew he had him to make sure whenever he fell, Logan would be there to lend a hand and set him upright, on his path once again.

Carlos had Kendall at his side, as well, the boy he could come to for anything. The boy who would hold him tight whenever he asked and listen to his problems. The boy who would put his own flesh and blood out to comfort his needs.

Carlos had James at his side, too, the boy he knew could be strong for all four, being so focused and driven. The boy who would stamp away his problems and make sure he remembered that bad never really lasted forever.

And whether he was in love with one or the other, he had all of them at his side. Whether life was tough, life was easy, he had all of them. Whether his dreams came true or came plummeting to a dead beyond, he had all of them. Whether he was suffering a blue night or a gray day, he had all of them. When things came to their worst, when the world just wouldn't agree, they would. They would be there. And they would be at his side.

Forever.

* * *

**A/N: **Been a while, right? Yeah. Short chapter, I know.

Anyway, I knew I said I'd make it serious slash (and it kind of was, wasn't it), I'm thinking of just ending it here. I feel like the climax has long passed and the falling action was in this chapter, and it sounds like a beautiful way to end it. Should I end it? It's you guyses call. If I end it, I could make an actual romance sequel using a whole new storyline. I mean, it's been a good run, right? If I end it here, I'll add in an epilogue to tie it together. So, review with your thoughts and think about this seriously. I feel like I should end it, here and now. It feels right. But I'm still apprehensive, so your input would be nice.

There's really no plot to go about at this point with this story. I mean, I could do a sequel with a new plot and a lot more romance, and they'll be actually sixteen or seventeen and may partake in smut. If you like smut. Anyway.

Yeah, thanks for your support, and if this is were the story ends, then I'll write a final epilogue with a _real _ending author's note with the thank you's and whatnot. Again, for the last time tonight (or today, whatever the case may be), should I end this sweet baby of mine?

I apologize for any editing/grammar/spelling errors. All of which are mine.

I love you guys with all my heart!


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

This New World Makes Me Scared**  
**

* * *

_August 9, 2009_

_

* * *

_

James was sixteen when his brush with fame finally arrived.

"_Who the hell_ is Gustavo Rocque?" Kendall wondered. He remembered something about hearing him on an awards show a night in his past, but besides a few mentions about his music career, Kendall blanked. All he knew was he had something to do with music, and James was suddenly infatuated with the idea of working with the man and his upbringing.

Kendall was all for the idea of tailing this man down, especially since James had his complete mindset focused on attempting to woo the musician with his talent. Convincing Mrs. Magikowski was another story, or Logan, for that matter. But eventually, both ended up sacrificing time for James.

"I can't _believe _we're doing this," Logan murmured, his mind rattling behind the wheel, "we're going to get in trouble. I _know _we're going to get in trouble. I _know we are_."

"You're yammering again." Carlos noted from the back seat.

"_Because when I'm nervous, I yammer and I freak. Okay?_"

"I know. Just calm down."

"Fuck you." Logan spat with a flustered mind. Carlos laughed it off, like he was laughing off the situation. How Carlos could stand to laugh at the fact that this was a completely dangerous plan, Logan would never know. Arriving in the city, Logan pulled up in front of the theater as they were instantly rushed in, each giving an audition by a man calling himself Gustavo Rocque.

The man was a devil, and Logan did the honor of pointing it out first, but at the same time, he was James's patron saint, his god, the man that was going to make a miracle happen for him. That is, until he turned him down.

The three boys could see it in James's eyes. Defeat. Pain. Heartbreak. Kendall could see James's world turn to rubble before their eyes. It could very well have been the apocalypse because a man from the music industry, the very industry he wanted to work, told him he wouldn't cut it. Told him he wasn't good. Kendall pictured himself in James's situation; what if NHL officials came and told him he was bad? What if his chance at making the big rinks died because a person merely told him he was? He knew he'd believe it if somebody official like him said so.

He knew he'd be hurting inside, turned raw and dead. It was as if James was told he couldn't dream anymore.

Anger filled Kendall's system, and after an unfortunate turn of events, Kendall and his friends were escorted by the police back to his house, leaving his mother fuming and Katie amused out of herself. He recalled standing up for James the way he did, as if nothing else mattered but making sure James's ticket to fame was salvaged, even if it was a shred.

Not even a shred was made though, and James was emotionally distraught. The demeanor he carried appeared as if he could have carried it forever. Kendall got he and the boys together the night they saw James. Kendall, being their fearless leader, figured that it was never too early to begin healing a broken heart; he wouldn't have waited if James had broken his leg, why should he treat his heart any differently? As a result, the four held a mourning day for James's dreams at Kendall's house.

While explaining, the boys sung to Katie and tried to life James's spirits. He may have smiled, but Kendall knew: no luck.

It was as if a meteor had taken down James's towered put-together psyche, falling it to an abyssal nothingness, never to be seen again. The world would never know James Diamond, superstar. Kendall was determined to pick his friend's mood up, but suddenly, in the middle of their song, a quick and unexpected doorbell

Gustavo Rocque, in all his hellion glory, his dastardly evil, leaving pestilence in his wake, death of the dreams of the people he sees with every step he took stood in on his porch. Bounding up, James cried with delight, "Yes! I knew you'd come back for me." As if the man didn't just take his dreams and stamp them out like a campfire.

Stamping more, with more aggression, Gustavo pushed James away from the hug they were in the middle of. "I'm not here for _you_. I'm here for _him._"

And he was pointing at Kendall.

* * *

_August 10, 2009_

_

* * *

_Shopping cart golf.

The one thing that got Kendall calm, even in a stressed out situation like the one he was in now. I mean, how the hell could he have known that the fat man would return knocking at his doorstep, the very man who shot James's dreams like a free-range chicken and made sure they would fester by handing all of James's dreams to himself? If he said no, James would grow angry. If he said yes, James would grow angry. Just slower. Either way, Kendall wasn't winning.

"So, I, uh, did the math on this whole _singing _thing," Logan reasoned, "and Katie was right. _You're an idiot._"

"Guys, I don't want to go to L.A. with that _jerk_." Kendall announced. "I want to stay here with _you jerks_. And play hockey. You know, for our _team_."

After a few more arguments, Kendall stopped mentally contradicting every one of his friends' pointless arguments, and it was finally James who convinced him to say yes to the very decision that plagued him for two straight days. He didn't want to tell his friends that he spent the night before, turning in his bed, drinking beer for the first time since he was a little kid.

Then Kendall noted his genius idea, and then, within minutes—

_They were in._

_

* * *

_

_August 14, 2009_

* * *

A lot of thoughts arose when Kendall had arrived in the city of dreams, where the stars walked on the ground, where designer in a regular town meant trash-bag Ke$ha dress in this one. When he arrived, he went along with what his friends did. Relaxed by the pool, went to work, solved a load of problems—which he knew he would have to do a lot of now—and finally ended the day by singing with his friends and taking the quickest elevator to the roof of the Palm Woods, and looked out at the city.

He wasn't used to it. Kendall looked at himself with great uncertainty. What was he doing here, exactly? Was he here to massage James's ego? Was he here to sacrifice his hockey dreams for a silly singing career? Was he here because he was being a good enough friend to pack up and go, leaving behind the life that he had lived in Minnesota? What about Uncle Julian and Aunt Felicia, Auntie Emily, Auntie Jennifer? What of them? What of Logan's dreams, of Carlos's?

That's what he didn't understand. So far, he had liked the perks. The shopping, the lights, the utter magnitude of seeing a famous singer—_up close and personal_. He knew he would like it.

But something in this big city didn't fit right. There was a puzzle piece mixed into this giant mess that didn't fit in as well as the others would have, and Kendall had the deepest feeling that it would have been him, the odd one out, the joker in the deck. Then again, every deck needed a joker, whether if the game used him or not. Didn't it?

All Kendall could've done at that point was stare at the city, with a load of questions. Too bad the people inhabiting it were too busy with themselves to answer anything.

Feeling a hand creep up on his shoulder, he instantly jumped to find Logan standing there, smiling at him. "Oh, hey. You startled me." Kendall admitted, almost pink in the face.

"I see," Logan nodded. "Thinking?"

"Definitely." Kendall scoffed at the new world before him.

"About what?"

"About... you know. Life. Here."

"Scary, huh?"

"_Way_."

Logan looked at Kendall in disbelief. "Did you just—did you just admit you were scared?"

Kendall's eyes shifted back and forth, "yeah. So?"

"Sorry. New to me."

"Shut up."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but _Kendall_? _Scared_? I've never thought I'd live to see him admit it."

"_Him _is standing right here."

"That's some really bad grammar."

"I thought I told you to shut up." Kendall chuckled, causing an outburst of sudden laughs. Of what, Logan and Kendall couldn't figure out.

"Hey, Kendall," Logan noted after the maelstrom of laughter died down, "what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know. To _us_. You and me."

Silence for a moment, then Kendall finally answered, getting his thoughts together, "We... _grew up_. Moved on."

"I don't know if I've moved on yet, Kendall."

"Me either, Logie," Kendall sighed, "me either. But it's the best thing for us right now."

Logan couldn't help but agree, deep inside his mind. With that thought, he let a small tear escape one of his eyes, as he instantly brushed it away. "For the longest time, I couldn't choose between you and Carlos. He and I were good together. We completed each other. But you and I had this past, this whole world that belonged to us."

"I remember."

"I miss Minnesota."

"Let's just forget Minnesota for just a little bit. Until we're ready to go back one day. This is home now, Logie, but Minnesota is, too. It should feel good that we've got two places in the world where we belong."

"If you look at it like that," Logan breathed.

"It feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

Kendall instantly scooted closer to Logan, and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, holding him tight. "This place. It makes me really scared, Logan."

"That's okay," Logan smiled up at his friend, "let's take this all in slowly, try our hardest, and everything's going to turn out okay."

* * *

_August 14, 2009_

_

* * *

_James was running low on confidence by the end of the day, his self esteem physically shot. Sitting lonely in the pool was all he had at the moment, and he felt relaxed, almost compelled to shoo the last people out of the pool-yard so he could have it to himself. So he had the silence to think if he really did belong in Los Angeles. If he really was talented. If singing was really what he loved to do.

"Do I even belong here?" James asked himself.

Suddenly, Carlos comes up behind him, and strips off his orange tee shirt that night. Carlos was in splendor, the fact that the nights in L.A. were still somewhat warm, you could still swim without the sun warming your skin. The humidity was perfect as is. "Yes." Carlos answered, almost a bit too confidently.

"Carlos."

"Hey, James," he said, swimming close.

"Hey, Carlos," James replied. He didn't know if he was in the mood to talk.

"I miss this," Carlos said, relaxing his back against the wall of the pool, "just you and me. Remember?"

"Yeah."

"James, what's the matter?"

"_Nothing._"

"Are you doubting yourself?" Carlos paused. "_Again_?"

"Would you, like. Leave? Please?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"_Leave you_? When you need me? Why should I?"

James scoffed, "whatever."

With that, Carlos snuggled up to his taller counterpart, resting his head on his shoulder and whispering, "I'm sorry that Gustavo's treating you the way he is. You and I both know you don't deserve it." Carlos closed his eyes and attempted to recreate Minnesota. The blankets upon blankets of snow, warm suppers and fire pits in the forest. Becca. Davie.

"Please stop."

"James, L.A. isn't the place for us to be doing this," Carlos reminded, "the whole. Cutesy holding hands thing we used to love to do with each other. When we were so confused."

"We're still confused."

"Point is, we can't argue as much as we can't go back to how we used to be. So you've gotta let me in. Like you used to."

"I thought what we _used to _do was done for."

"_Not _everything." Carlos smiled, lifting his head and smiling confidently, "I'm still the same."

"So."

"_So,_" Carlos continued, "cheer up! Who cares what _Gustavo _says? You're _here_, James. Don't go breaking your own heart with your self-doubt _now_. There's plenty of time for that when we're older. Take it all in, James, Los Angeles. City of dreams. Half of which come true."

"Not mine."

"Not _yet_. Come on, James, sure we can't..." Carlos looked down at his hands, wrapped tightly around themselves, "...emotionally relieve ourselves like we used to... but we can still hold our heads up high, knowing that one day, after the fire has burned out and we've had our fill of this town, we can go back to what we used to have and maybe, finally, _pick_."

James almost snickered, "_Pick_?"

"Pick! You and I both know that the four of us have been on each other's asses for the longest time. You were so caught up between either me or Kendall, I was caught up in you and Logan, Logan was caught up in me and Kendall, Kendall was caught up in Logan and you. Don't deny it. We all know what's going on."

"We've been living a life like _that_?"

"It was a good life," Carlos remembered, "because no matter who we'd end up choosing, we knew we'd be together forever."

"I guess you're right."

"For now, though, we chill. We focus on the friend part of our relationships with each other. Okay? After that, we sing, and boom. We've got it all down, alright? No hesitations."

"Alright."

"Alright!" Carlos smiled, as James dunked Carlos's head into the water involuntarily, the both of them brewing up a good, old fashioned water fight that evening. It may have not been Minnesota, but it would have to do.

That night, Carlos, Logan, James, and Kendall fell asleep in their ruddy apartment. Kendall had a feeling the run-down, used place would change soon. But either way, they fell asleep, dreaming about the world around them. James and Logan lay quietly in their room, James wondering how many stars, the stars on the ground, that is, had their dreams come true. He told himself, right now, he was being birthed from the nebula. His new place in this world was here. And one day, he would supernova, explode, and leave his mark on the world. But for now, he had a lot of fire to spark. Logan, on the other hand, was beginning to sort out his dreams. Doctor would have to wait. The things he sacrificed for James, he didn't understand, but it felt right. Feeling right felt good to Logan, to maybe everybody he knew. But this new day he's been dawned by wasn't so repulsive after all. He liked it, even. The one thing he couldn't dissect was the thought of why singing and dancing felt right. Some things would have to stay unknown for now.

Kendall and Carlos lay quietly, too. Carlos began wondering what this risk had in store for him. He never didn't think about the hazards that came with the risks he took. He wasn't stupid. He just wasn't afraid of breaking a leg. If it was another surgery, it was a risk he was willing to take. But this risk? This chance at fame? What did it have life have in store for him _this time_? Kendall had the same problem. What of his dreams? Hockey was his talent, and apparently, singing, now, was too. He apparently was perfect for this job, this fact probably filling James for remorse. But he was enjoying life here. James loved it here, Kendall now loved it here, Logan seemed to love it here, and no doubt Carlos loved it here.

Life would have to be this way for a while now.

And it was okay, because no matter how life was, Kendall was there to lead the others with no fear (at least on the outside). No matter when life got scary, Carlos would be there to brighten every situation, heal every hurt with his laughter. No matter how hard life got, Logan would be there to change that all; he'd take the core of the problem and make it simple, and simply defeat all obstacles in their way. No matter how life tried to bring them down, James would be there to let the others know that pushing on, keeping the pace they had, was the only way that they'd get through even the most puzzling of riddles, the most longest of paths and tallest of walls.

And together, the four would walk on, enduring this road of life.

Together.

* * *

**A/N:** Yep. It ends here.

I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'll be posting the sequel tomorrow, and it'll be more serious because it would tie into the actual series and they would be mature enough to do more mature-boy type things. And even though I never said who ends up with who, the sequel will explain all that, so be sure to read it. And I'll make sure the sequel will be much longer.

I apologize deeply if you didn't want it to end. I didn't either. But I felt in my heart that it was time.

You guys are the best readers in the whole wide world, and I hope you continue to read my works. I love you guys with all my heart.


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